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eminem the second - pale kid raps
Added Jan 24, 2011
Views: 3670 |
1 / 
0This guy looks like a promising rapper. He raps so quickly.
By rapper in Funny
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The Dumbest Millionaire Contestant
Added Jan 22, 2011
Views: 5022 |
1 / 0This teen did not even answer the first question right.
By haha in Fail
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Rock and Roll car fail
Added Jan 22, 2011
Views: 3839 |
0 / 0A person goes crazy listening to rock and roll music but the car airbags popped out.
By rocker in Fail
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Japanese kids love Spongebob
Added Jan 22, 2011
Views: 4120 |
0 / 0These japanese kids are crazy about spongebob.
By Mac in Funny
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OLD SPICE REMIX: by Mike Relm
Added Aug 7, 2010
Views: 10035 |
3 / 0Old Spice Responses remixed by Mike Relm!
By RSC in Funny
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Today, I was driving to work, but suddenly a car to my left drove in my lane. I quickly braked and tried to dodge the car so I drove a little towards the right. I hit the car to my right, while that bitch who went in my lane drove off. Unfortunately for me no one saw so it\'s my fault. Women can\'t drive! (stupid women) youFML
Today, my friend suggested I should label myself to be \'in a relationship\' in Facebook to make my ex regret dumping me. I agreed and gave him my log in details. Excitingly, I got home to look at the comments, but I was shocked to notice I was listed in a relationship with that guy friend. Now everyone thinks I am gay. (Jerome) youFML
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend, over the answering machine. I didn\'t know until night, while I was happily talking to my parents about my girlfriend. My then brother told me, \"oh I forgot, your girlfriend called in the afternoon to dump you\". Now my brother has saved it has his ring tone. (lil scum and biatch) youFML
Today, I bought a new VolksWagen Golf GTI. While I was driving home, there was hail which were as big as golf balls. This was Melbourne\'s worse weather in 90 years. My car was badly dint and my insurance policy doesn\'t cover natural disasters. (nature) youFML
Last week, I got screwed over by my wife. We\'ve been married for 7 years so I totally trusted her and had transferred all my money savings and assets to her. She wants to divorce me and said I cheated with her friend, but I have never even seen her in my life. All I\'m left with is a suitcase with clothes. (whore) youFML
Last week, I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years. Her reason was because I did I not understand what she needed. However, it turns out she is seeing a wealthy 60 year old man. I guess she loved the money more than me. (moneywhore) youFML
Today, my boyfriend called me over 9 times, but I was in a lecture so I sms\'d him to say I was busy. I had to grab my assignment so I went to the lecturers office which was across the road. As we were crossing the road my boyfriend punched the lecturer. Now my lecturer doesn\'t want me in any of his classes. (leo) youFML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. She even sent back the used bottle of lube we used.
Yesterday, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I decided to give her a surprise by climbing into her balcony. I opened the window and saw her screwing with another guy. (Rach) youFml
Today, I got fired from work because another colleague reported that I stole stationery and tissues. The most screwed up thing was my colleague had placed used tissues in my handbag as well as used stationery. I found out it was a set up because the boss thought my pay was too high. (china man) youFML
Yesterday, I was at my boyfriend\'s house, and he insisted I have a shower. I thought I had smelt bad so agreed to shower. While showering I glanced at the door and saw a few heads peeping. Apparently, they paid my boyfriend 10 bucks each. (Ray) youFml
Last night, I went out with a couple of mates who were keeping me company as I was having problems with my relationship. I got drunk and my friends paid a prostitute to look after me. They took photos of me naked with the girl. Now they are asking me to pay them $1500, if not they will show my girlfriend. (mates) youFml
Yesterday, I was preparing breakfast for my partner\'s child who\'s a 13 year old boy. I\'ve known he doesn\'t like me all a long. Like every morning I would drop him off to school before work, strangely he said thank you and grin evilly. Not till lunch did I know, he pissed in my water bottle and I actually thought it was my lemon tea. (rat bag) youFML
Yesterday, I took a flight from Paris to Hong Kong. It\'s a 13 hour trip and I was sitting next to a obese women for the whole duration. For 13 hours I had to lean towards the window, as she took up too much space. I also had to put up with smelling the fatty sweat. (Fatty) youFML
Today, I drove my new Audi TT to college, with all my windows open and music pumping on loudly. As i drove through the college road other people where looking at me, making me proud. As I got home, I noticed my car bonnet was keyed. It wrote \'rich fag, suck this\'. (Oh) youFML
Yesterday, I broke up with my boyfriend as he was cheating on me. He has furiously denied it all along, even when I caught him sleeping with another women. His excuse was he thought that woman was me. (Jake) youFML
Today, I went to a laundry place near my apartment. Everything was pretty clean, except there was a dead mouse in it. (Oh) youFML
Yesterday, my friend\'s girlfriend called me as she was having problems with my friend. She reckons he cheated on her because she found an earring in his room. I tried to comfort her and had a couple of drinks, and we made out for a bit but nothing more. I confessed to my friend but he said sorry, I screwed your your gf. (Robert) youFML
Last Week, I took my girlfriend who I have been with for 4 years to a family dinner. After dessert, I got down my knees to propose and took out a 25k ring I bought at Cartier. Everyone was looking and expecting her to say yes, but she walked out. I followed her out to ask why and she told me, \'I\'m seeing someone else\'. (Lina) youFML
Yesterday, I tried drinking this herbal tea which is suppose to increase your milk supply(I\'m breast feeding). It worked but only on the left so one boob was bigger than the other. I had work today so I stuffed tissues on one side. I kept knocking my boob on the table and my shirt was wet. (Oh) youFML
Last Night, my boyfriend who I have been with for a year told his friends that he would lend me to someone for the night for $50 bucks. I thought he was joking, but he said he needed the money to pay off his phone bill. (Rayd) youFML
Today, I just a job at a local supermarket. I just got out of jail recently for theft. I didn\'t tell my current boss I had been to jail though. Tomorrow I will be working in the cashier so it\'s going to be hard for me not to steal. (Oh) youFML
Last Week, I was training for my football try outs later in the week. If I made it I could be playing for a championship side(2nd level to premier league). I\'ve waited for the opportunity all my life, but I was injured. How? I was going for a header, but tripped and my teammate landed on my foot. I\'m out for 3 months (stupid team) youFML
Last Week, I thought I scored a sweet deal. I bought SK II masks for few bucks. That\'s a saving of 85%. I used it expecting my skin to improve but now my face has terrible rashes. Turns out the Chinese place I bought it at changed the expiry date. (chinese shop) youFML
Last Week, I was diagnosed with breast cancer luckily it was the 2nd stage and still curable. I only had been married for 6 months so you would think the wedding vows were still fresh but my husband wants a divorce because he says after the operation my breasts won\'t look the same and he hates people with plastic surgery. (Mark) youFML
Today, I wanted to spend quality time with my wife and 2 kids as I will have a major operation the day after tomorrow. But they have better plans, wife\'s going to play Majong and my 2 kids are going to the movies with their mates. While I\'m home eating Pizza and drinking red wine. non supportive (crap family) youFML
Last Night, my girlfriend of 6 months dumped me saying I wasn\'t the guy she wanted. She wanted a guy like \'Edward\'. I asked, \'who\'s Edward?\' She showed me a Twilight poster on her iphone. (Twilight) youFML
Today, I found out I have cancer and most likely incurable. The most unfair thing is I\'m only 30 and married to a 65 year husband. My intentions were to inherit his will after he died but It looks like I\'ll die before him. I guess it\'s karma. (Oh) youFML
Today, I found out why I had put on so much weight over the past year. I\'m 180cm tall and weighed 78kg but now I\'m 112kg. My girlfriend told me she was scared to lose me so every time she cooked for me she would add pigs oil. (gf) youFML
Today, I have the flu and I\'m on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. (periods) youFML
Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can\'t keep an erection while we were making love was that I wasn\'t attractive enough. I cried and he finished it off himself while watching his porn collection. (crap bf) youFML
Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend who I\'ve been staying with for 9 months. I initiated but he said he was tired. Few minutes later I walked into the toilet without knowing he was in there tossing while watching porn. (Oh) youFML
Today, my friend came over to help me wax my arms because I have a formal in 2 days. While she pulled the wax strip off my arm she elbowed my eye which left a massive bruise. It looks like I\'ve been punched! How can i go to the formal with a bruise eye?? (Mary) youFML
Last night, I bought my girlfriend of 3 months to meet my mates, as soon as one of my mate saw her, he said to me, \"Dave, I was in bed with her last night she works in the brothel around the corner\".....she told me she was a teacher (Joan) youFML
Today, I got a loan to buy a new $100,000 car thinking i will be able to pay off the loan with my stable job, but as soon as i arrive at work I saw a lot of police turns out they came to arrest my boss for fraud...guess our company will close down and I will be jobless and in debt (Boss) youFML
Yesterday, I bought a dress for my cousin\'s wedding thinking I looked great in it, as soon as i saw my mum this morning I put it on to show her, the first thing she said, \"Hunny you look pregnant in that night gown\". (Mum) youFML
Last night, me and the girls went to the bar for a girls night. A guy kept eying me, eventually he came over and bought me a drink. We started talking, I thought he was really interested in me until he showed me a picture of his mum who passed away a few years ago and told me I look just like her... (Random Guy) youFML
Today, at work an employee was yelling at a customer because he said the customer was asking to many questions. I told him off telling him to be more polite and it was his last chance. He threw a tantrum and left. After work I notice my BMW 5 series was keyed. No way I am hiring my wife\'s relatives again. (Oh) youFML
Yesterday, I borrowed my fiance\'s laptop to check my email. He didn\'t sign out his account so I accidentally saw his emails. I discovered he has been seeing a few girls via adult match maker. We were suppose to marry in October and I\'ve even paid the non-refundable deposit for the reception which cost 9,000 dollars. (adultmatchmaker) youFML
Today, my mother came to visit me. I live with 4 other guys in a house we rented. My mum thinks I am gay because I live with guys and never had a girlfriend. She thinks since I go to Harvard I should pick up easily. I\'ve told her for the 100th time I\'m not gay and tried to explain it\'s the girls who don\'t like me! (Oh) youFML
Recently, my child died and it has been the hardest days my wife and I have experienced in our entire lives. As the funeral finished, my brother took us home. I tried to keep my tears in but my wife\'s tears were raining down. My brother turns on the radio and the music was \'Tears in Heaven\' by Eric Clapton. (Oh) youFML
Yesterday, I was playing rock band with my mates. I was playing the guitar, the others were on the microphone and drums. We attempted to play the song \"Time We Had\" by The Mother Hips and I was so into the groove that I sprained my wrist. Now I can\'t play for 3 weeks. (rockband) youFML
Yesterday, was my last mid term exam. I thought I would relax right before the exam so turned on my ipod. I had it on random shuffle, and have over 2500 songs but by chance the song that was playing was \'if I fail\'. Yes, I believed I did fail. (exams) youFML
Over the 2 weeks, I was able to survive 6 exams along with problem sets and papers. What I couldn\'t survive with was the broken heart she left me with. (stacy) youFML
Today, I woke up after a hangover so stayed at my friends. I was still very dizzy but hungry, so went to the kitchen to see what I could grab. There was nothing except some bread. I thought it was green tea bread because my friend was Asian. I ate 4 slices but only to knew they were moldy when my stomach told me. (moldy bread) youFML
Today, I felt a little nauseous at work so I left early and went to the Dr. He said i was pregnant. I happily went home wanting to tell this news to my husband of 3 years, but to my surprised i found him in bed with my next door neighbor...my fault for going home early... (Ricky) youFML
Yesterday i had a group assignment due, where I finished my part and passed it onto our team leader so she can submit it . I saw her online today and asked her if she handed it in, but she forgot!!! There goes 50% of our assignment mark. (Ryan) youFML
Last night, I parked my car on the side of the street so I could go to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. When i returned to my car all 4 tyres were pierced!!! I had to call road care to toll the car away and called to get my husband to pick me up. My quick trip to the supermarket ended up being 2hrs and cost 2k!!! (idiots) youFML
Today, I went to a cafe for lunch alone when the bill came i searched through my bag before realizing I left my wallet in my other bag. I quickly called my sister to come and help me, it was the longest 30min of my life waiting for her to arrive when all the waiters and customers were all giving me weird looks! (oh) youFML
Last night, I was eating a pizza while playing computer games. I was eating it without looking, until i tasted something funny, at a glance i thought it was a piece of anchovy but i didn\'t order them to be put on my pizza so I looked again. Turns out it was actually a baked cockroach that i ate half of already!!! (pizza boy) youFML
Today I bumped into my ex-boyfriend while i was jogging in the park with NO make up on, to make matters worse he announce to me he is engaged! I only broke up with him 4 months ago! (Jordan) youFML
Today I was rushing to work for a really important presentation for a client, while rushing i ran into a women holding a coffee. I had coffee split over my white shirt. The coffee was so hot it burnt my skin. I had to buy the women another drink and had to borrow an Indian co-workers shirt for the presentation. (hot coffee and smelly shirt) youFML
Last night, since my boyfriend has gone on a work trip i was all alone at home so i decided to watch some DVDs. There was a DVD with no name on it so out of curiosity i played it to my disgust it was gay porn, no wonder why he hardly touches me (Luke) youFML
Yesterday, I left my brand new Macbook on the floor. When i arrived home my whole house had flooded with water due to the heavy rain. My Macbook is now dead and not covered by warranty (rain) youFML
Yesterday, I got my credit card statement and saw a $1000 transaction that i didn\'t even make!! Someone must have stolen my card details... (scammer) youFML
Today, I wore a tie up halter neck dress to the supermarket with my 1 yr old boy. I was carrying him in my arms then when i went to place him in the shopping trolley my whole dress fell down, he had untied my dress leaving me naked with just my bra and undies in the supermarket. (baby) youFML
Today my breast felt really sore so i quickly booked an appointment with my plastic surgeon who did my breast implants, he said my body is rejecting the implants i need to have another surgery to get them remove. (crap plastic surgeon) youFML
Last night, I ordered an salad for dinner, only to find out they put so much salad dressing and cheese in it that it has more calories then a pasta dish which i will enjoy more but was afraid to order it at the start due to my dieting. (fatty salad) youFML
Yesterday I wore a white mini skirt to Uni and I thought everyone was looking at my hot legs and body so i kept smiling back to them, until my friend told me my period has leaked through my skirt and now there is a red blood patch on the back of my skirt. (period) youFML
Yesterday, I decided to surprise visit my boyfriend of 2 years, i have my own key to his apartment as i walked in, he was screwing another girl. It turned out it was my best friend, and the only thing she and my boyfriend could think to say was, \'we can make it a 3-sum?\' Now i have no boyfriend and no best friend. (tiff and sam) youFML
In my life I don\'t even get the full love from my parents. Even tough I am the youngest. It was so obvious that my parents love my sister and my brothers much more than me. So, I was really hoping that I could have very lovely and adorable boyfriend. I just fall in love in with one guy, Later I realize that he is already married (Oh) youFML
Today, I was on facebook and saw my boyfriend change his relationship status to single. I tried to call him but he didn\'t answer. Then I get a phone call from his best friend telling me my boyfriend wanted to break up with me. What a prick! He didn\'t even have to guts to tell me. (Johno) youFML
Today, I received an email from a university I applied for a few weeks ago with the subject as \'Your status Application has been updated\'. Few days earlier I received an rejection email, so I thought they had change their mind. Turns out they rejected my 2 times when I only submitted one application. (Cornell) youFML
Today, I went out with my girlfriend and her 3 year old boy that she had with her ex-husband. Her son was sitting on my lap when suddenly I felt something warm and wet, he pissed on me!!! I had to stay in my wet urine stained pants for the whole day! (Baby Tom) youFML
Yesterday at work my boss asked me out for dinner with just the two of us, I rejected him and told him i have a boyfriend. I was asked to go into his office after lunch and he issued me a termination letter just for rejecting his date. (Sleezy boss) youFML
Last night, my wife got drunk and emotional. I tried to calm her down but I fell asleep. When I woke up I felt my wedding finger was a little stiff. I had a look and there was super glue on my finger and ring. My wife thought I was going to leave her. Now I\'m having trouble getting the super glue off my finger. (emo wife) youFML
Today, I was suppose to go Sydney for a meeting. I was taking Tiger Airways(budget airline). I arrived at the airport on time ready to board, but the flight was delayed for 2.5 hours. I missed the meeting, and lost a customer. I tried to save 40 bucks off a cheaper ticket but lost a 75k business. (Tiger Airways) youFML
Last night, a few mates came over my place and questioned me if I was gay. I told them I wasn\'t and have a girlfriend. A mate said, \"I saw you this afternoon making out with a guy\". I told them, \"that was my girlfriend\". (taste) youFML
Today, I cut the skits at my boyfriend for going through all my sms\'s and messaging a few of my guy friends saying, \"I have a boyfriend\". He reckons guy friends who sms things such as \"what you up to?\" and me replying means I am cheating on him. He even forced me to say sorry. (protective bfs) youFML
Yesterday, my brother finally transferred the car our parents brought for us to my name. He has been living overseas for a year and is not coming back. The reason why he took 1 year to transfer it to me was because he didn\'t want me to get a new car before him. (selfish brother) youFML
Last month, a cute guy called Henry joined my assignment group. We both quickly had feelings for each other so I decided to tell my mum about him. My mum who\'s been divorced for 4 years, also told me she found a nice guy she wanted to introduce to me. Turns out that guy was the Henry\'s father. (mum) youFML
Today, I just got back from a 7 day holiday with my girlfriend. Before I left, I gave my brother my house keys just in case something happens. When I got back, my house was a mess. Worse of all, I see my brother having sex with a girl on my bed. He said, \"why you back so early? Let me finish, wait outside\". (brother) youFML
This week, I just handed in assignment which was about how homeless people were able to survive living on the streets. They get around $250 bucks per week from the government and approximately $100 for beggaring. That\'s more than I get paid in a week. (job) youFML
Today, before work I gave my wife $9000 cash, so she could go to the travel agent to pay for our holiday ticket. If we pay by cash we could save $450. When I got home, I asked my wife where the tickets were, and she told me she lent $8000 to her best friend who needs to go on a holiday. I should never have given my blonde wife cash. (wife) youFML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she said that, \'she couldn\'t take the fact that I got a better assignment mark than her, while she worked her ass off and I was playing games all the time\'. (stupid assignment) youFML
Yesterday, I was late for work so I decided to take a taxi. Usually It cost around $30 bucks but there was heavy traffic and the taxi driver was being dodgy and took the main roads. I end up paying $65.4, and was late for work by 20 minutes. I got a huge yelling from my manager. (dodgy taxi driver) youFML
Today, I was at the gym and saw a pretty girl. I went up to chat to her and managed to get her cell. She told me this was her last day at the gym so I thought I was lucky to get her cell. I decide to take a taxi home as I was late to a meeting. When I got home I notice I left my cell in the taxi. I tried to call but the cell was already turned off. (love stealing taxi) youFML
Last night, I use a hair removal spray on my girlfriends because she didn\'t want to shave. The spray actually worked great and I was loving it. We then had a few drinks and had some nice sex. When I woke up in the morning and looked in the mirror a lot of my hair was gone! My girlfriend thought it would be funny to spray some on my head. (Hillary) youFML
Today, I was taking a public transport to work like always. However, today was a little different because a farmer was on my train and had a cage of chickens. The train was crowed so my pants where touching the cage. Now my pants had chicken feathers and smells like shit. (farmers) youFML
Today, I took my kid to the city to do some shopping. While walking, my kid said if he could donate some money to a beggar who was outside Macdonalds. He decided to use his own money and donated 20 cents. As we left the beggar threw the 20 cents back at us. I guess the beggar thought 20 cents was too little. (rich beggars) youFML
Yesterday, was my boyfriends birthday. I took him to a nice french restaurant for dinner and we walked at the beach. When we got home, I was going to surprise him by wearing a fetish school girl uniform. When he saw me, he asked me, \"Don\'t tell me this is all I get for my birthday, where\'s my present?\" (Richy) youFML
Today, I just found out my girlfriend of 3 years had a baby before. When I met her she told me she was a virgin. No wonder she was so loose. (lying gf) youFML
Today, I was in a lecture and someone in the back tapped me to pass a note to this girl in front of me. I didn\'t really mind so I passed it on however the lecturer saw and ask me to hand the note to him. He read it out to the class. Now everyone thinks I like this fat bitch and the fatty keeps smiling at me. (back row fag) youFML
Yesterday, I was a little drunk from a party so I went back to my apartment which I shared with my girlfriend. When I entered my room I saw a guy sleeping on my bed, so I thought it was my boyfriend. I jumped on him and started stroking him. Later my friend enters my room and said, \'WTF! that\'s my boyfriend!\" I entered my friends room. (black label) youFML
Today, my parents hired a tutor to help me with my maths. I was against it until I saw how smoking hot my tutor was. While she was teaching me all I could concentrate on, was her. After 2 months of tutoring my grades have dropped from B to C. (hot tutor) youFML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. She left me because I become fat. I use to weigh 69kg but now I\'m 97kg. The worse thing is she made me eat that much. She always cooked too much and I didn\'t want to waste food. (quan) youFML
Last week, I finally got divorced after 2 years of pain. The reason why I got divorced was my wife had been sleeping with her boss numerous times. At first, I forgave her but I found out she had done it again. I only have told a few mates about this, however my ex wife has been telling others our marriage ended because I had been sleeping with other women. (slutty wife) youFml
Last Night, my brother said I was sleep walking, and went into his room and sat beside his bed. He was terrified, as he thought it was a ghost so he ended up kicking me in the head. I didn\'t know until breakfast this morning. No wonder I have a swollen face. (sleep walking) youFML
This morning, I started jogging in order to lose some weight and hopefully look more attractive. While jogging, I was listening to my ipod so i couldn\'t hear anything. As I was jogging, a neighbor was reversing his car and I didn\'t notice until he had knocked me out. Now I have a fractured hip and can\'t walk for 1.5 months. (ipod) youFML
Last time, I had a few surf lessons and the instructor was hot. He seemed like he was interested in me. While surfing I fell and my surf board hit me on my face. i got up and had a big bruise. The instructor gave me a weird look like my face was deformed. He then looked at my friend who\'s less pretty than me and smiled then blew her a kiss. (stupid surf board) youFML
Today, we had a casual clothes day where we had to donate $2 or more with the proceedings going to the red cross, so it was for a good cause. I was in charge of collecting money from my department so I was collecting $2 coins until one employee said he only had a 100 dollar note. At the end he ask me to pay for him. (Pov Tom) youFML
Today, I was suppose to have dinner with my girlfriend to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary. I had already booked the french restaurant and told her about it. I arrived there first and waited for 30 minutes so I gave her a call. She hung me up, so I waited another 45 minutes. At the end she didn\'t come. ( GF) youFML
Today was a family day so me and my husband decided to bring our 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl to the zoo. There was so many people going that we had to line up for nearly 50 minutes. My daughter then peed her pants and I didn\'t know until she told me she was tired so I carried her. I smelt like pee the whole day. (darling) youFML
Today, I bought a pure pug for $1000. But when I brought the cute little thing home, it seems my sister was allergic to his fur. She has asthma so my mum thought it would be best we gave the pug away. I end up selling it to my cousin for $300. (Oh) youFML
Today, I received a fine in the mail regarding a library book I borrowed months ago for an assignment. Apparently, the library thinks I didn\'t return the book, so they fined me $3 a day and it\'s been 1 month. (Oh) youFML
Today, I met up with a guy I found on a dating website. We had a few phone calls, and sms\'d each other so I thought it would be a good idea if we met up. Turns out the guy was 58 years old, while on his profile it says 38. (Old man) youFML
Couple of years ago, while getting a divorce, my wife started giving my daughter stuff that would make her throw up (Ipecac) when ever it was her time to visit me. I did not know any of this was going on. She ended up with a scarred voice box and stomach problems. She can barely speak. (EX WIFE) youFML
Today, I had a school swimming competition. I was swimming in the 100 meter freestyle. I came 2nd in the end. Before I go out the pool I saw some red things drifting around me. I quickly got out hoping no one would notice. But the cameras were on me, and 1,500 other people saw I had my period. (period) youFML
Yesterday, a few mates came to my place to catch up. We\'ve hadn\'t seen each other for almost 8 years. We were all tipsy and we we happen to talk about our wives. A mate said to me, \"your wife is dang nice in bed, she wilder than emu.\" I got up and used the beer bottle and smash him on the head. (cheating wife) youFML
Today, I was playing my wii. I was playing wii tennis and smashing winners. After playing for 1 hour I was getting tired. I went to grab a drink and started playing again. However, I forgot to put the strap through my hands so when the remote slipped between my hands it flew right into the LCD tv. (wii sports) youFML
Yesterday, I was at football match with my girlfriend. There were 2 bikers sitting behind us and kept saying how big my girlfriend boobs were. Not only that they kept kicking our seat. My girlfriend lot her cool and threw her half eaten hot dog at them. (bikers) youFML
Yesterday, I was walking my baby boy golden retriever around the beach. The leash I brought from a $2 shop broke and my dog was running freely. Surprisingly it didn\'t run far, but what I saw next was near terrifying. I saw my dog humping a guys leg. Turns out my dog is gay. (gay dog) youFML
Today, at work I twisted my ankle when moving some stock in the pharmacy. My manager asked me to get one of the icepacks from the back, however he also reminded me I needed to pay for it. (Manager) youFML
Today, purchased a text book online which cost $120, which is $40 cheaper than the college book shop. Turns out a local bookstore in town had a 30% sale. The text book cost $112, and i could\'ve got it right away rather than wait 1 week for it getting delivered plus saved $8. (amazon) youFML
Yesterday, I went fishing with a mate. We rented a boat so we could go further out in the bay. My mate caught a few 12-18 pound trout fishes while i caught nothing. I ended up having to pay for the boat rental fees, which cost $350 because I lost the bet. (crap fish) youFML
Last week, I received a call from my brother who brought the news that my mother passed away. He asked me for $12,000 for the funeral costs and that I should send him the money immediately. I transferred the money to him the next morning and called my sister to tell her about the news. My sister said, \"I just talk to mum 10 minutes ago\". (brother) youFML
Last Night, I was watching some porn in my room. My brother comes in without knocking and see me watching porn. He told my mother now, I\'m banned from using the internet at home. (brother) youFML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me because he said I was annoying. My parents were the most happiest to learn about the news. Since we were together they have been against us, because he had been in juvenile before. Later that night I found out my parents gave him $10,000, that was why he left me. (moneyface) youFML
Yesterday, I bought a nice Versace shirt which took me 1 month to save up for. I happily hanged it up in my closet and removed all the tags in case my wife said I was wasting money on a $450 shirt. As I got back from work today, I opened my closet and couldn\'t find my shirt. I asked my wife and she said it was ugly and had donated it to the salvation army (bad taste wife) youFML
Today, I went to ask my manager why I was not paid for over time for the whole of last month. He told me I didn\'t work over time and that if I kept on chasing my overtime money I\'ll get fired. I can\'t believe a company I worked in for 3 years treats their employees like this. (crap company) youFML
Yesterday was my birthday, so my boyfriend took me to gucci and louis vuitton to buy me my present. I ended up buying a gucci wallet and a louis vuitton speedy bag. Later that night, while having dinner I was unhappy with my boyfriend for choosing this crap restuarant which was so loud inside. I got angry, and yelled at him, and he stormed out with my presents. (bf) youFML
Today i went to chanel to get 1 of my bags fixed which my boyfriend got me last year for my birthday, the sales assistant told me the bag is fake!!! i was so embarrassed i swear i will kill my boyfriend!!! (cheapbf) youFML
Yesterday when I went down from the office to go and buy some lunch, my new heels got stuck in the gutter!!! As i was trying to pull my heels lose looking like an idiot the hottest guy walked pass and gave me a disgusted look, to make matters worse, I ended up having to break the heels off my new shoes just to free myself. (narrow gutter holes) youFML
Today i spill hot coffee in my brand new car!!! (clumsiness) youFML
Last night, I went to the casino with my friends. I was $500 up so I decided to place all that $500 as 1 bet! I ended up winning that game but as i was about to remove my $1000 someone bumped into me, I was too busy arguing with his that i forgot to collect my money until it was too late! Ended up losing that $1000 (stupid man) youFML
Yesterday, I had an assignment due so I saved my assignment to my usb and brought college to print it off as my printer at home had ran out of ink. When i opened it up it said the file was corrupted. (usb) youFML
This morning, when i just woke up still in sleep mode, i walked out of my room and thought i saw a piece of chocolate on the floor. When i went to pick it up it was soft and warm. it was actually my chihuahua\'s poo!!! Yuck, right in the morning too! (chihuahua) youFML
Today my boyfriend asked me to cook him steak at home for dinner but after i finished making everything he called and said he is having dinner with his friends instead and won\'t be coming. I was so angry that i ate all the food myself and i am suppose to be on a diet! (Stupid bf) youFML
Yesterday, Me and 4 mates made bought a football bet for the Aston villa vs Chelsea match. We all thought it would either be a draw or possibly a win for Aston Villa since they have the best defensive record in the league. We each bet $300, but Aston Villa were thrashed 7-1. Now my mates are blaming me that I asked them to (mates) youFML
Yesterday, I came back from China, and I purchased some very expensive tea. It costs me $1500 for 400grams. I told the shop to package it air tight as Australia has strict customs. When I got home I notice the tea leafs were the cheap ones and not the expensive ones i bought. Can\'t believe a reputable tea leaf shop scammed (china tea shop) youFML
Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend and we started making out. Only after the movie did I know, was my mothers best friend was sitting right behind us. My mum doesn\'t approve me of having a boyfriend until I finish college. (mums friend) youFML
Today, my boyfriend and I were shopping around at a mall. Suddenly, he disappeared so I tried calling his cell. He didn\'t pick up. I look everywhere until i found him in the food court chatting with his ex. (bf) youFML
Just Now, I ate spaghetti. I admit I\'m overweight but only by 20 pounds.Before that I hadn\'t eaten since 3PM and it was 9:00PM when i ate spaghetti. So the minute my mom finds out she freaks out and tells me to stop eating. I got angry and pretty much walked away from the conversation. (Mom) youFML
Today, was the first day I went to work at the new company office. It was much better than the old office. As I went into the coffee room, I was excited about using the new coffee machine. I selected a latte but it only gave a half a cup full. I pressed another button and the coffee machine switched off. Now I have to pay $500 to repair the coffee machine (coffee machine) youFML
Today, I was playing tennis at college with 3 other friends. There was this girl I fancied who happened to be watching our tennis match. I tried to impress her so was trying extra hard. As I was going for a winner in the open court I smashed the ball as hard as I could. During the process my racquet also made its way across the court and hitting my mate\'s arm. (tennis ) youFML
Yesterday, I was reading through my credit card bills and saw 2 transactions which amounted to $59.98. I called the credit card company to ask as I didn\'t remember these transactions occurring. Turns out my 14 year old son had used my credit card to join adult websites. (son) youFML
Today, I was having coffee at starbucks. I was by myself until a attractive women asked if she could sit in the spare seat as the shop was full. I said yes, and thought it would be a good idea to chat with her. Chatting for 30 seconds, I felt she wasn\'t interested in talking but it was too late as she said, \"do you mind? If you didn\'t notice I don\'t want to talk to you!\' (attractive women) youFML
Today, I was at a friends place to have an Easter lunch. I brought my gf with me who I\'ve just been with last week. A friend was shocked and pulled me aside and asked me if I knew my gf was a prostitute. I thought he was joking so after lunch I asked my girlfriend and she said she use to be 4 months ago. (gf) youFML
Today is Easter Friday and I\'m suppose to have the long weekend off. However, since I am working at a hosting company as a customer support, I have a shift today. What\'s worse is I don\'t get bonus pay. (work) youFML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. I\'m only 19 and still in college. I decided to tell my boyfriend about it, but he thought I was lying as it was April Fools day. He told me if it\'s true to tell him tomorrow. (stupid bf) youFML
Today, as I was reversing from my driveway to go to college I ran over something. I thought it was a rock but as I got a view of it, it was my brothers turtle. The turtle was totally flatten so I rushed in the house to apologize. Everyone thought I was joking as it was April fools day. (turtle) youFML
Today, I was a work and thought about fooling my girlfriend. I finally thought I would lie to her about winning the tattslotto 30 million jackpot. I called her up and she was screaming. After work, my girlfriend was waiting for me downstairs at work. With a great big smile she told me she quit her job and bought a $15,000 Hermes. All I could say was, \'April Fools!\' (oh) youFML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me when we were at dinner at a friends place. He got down to his knees and placed a small box in front of me. As I he opened the box I did not see a diamond ring or any ring but a small note saying \'April Fools\'. (bf) youFML
Last Night, I was staying at a hotel with my boyfriend. We\'ve been together for 9 months and this was our first trip together. I didn\'t get to sleep the whole night because he snores so loudly. The next day I kept falling asleep and my boyfriend thought I didn\'t enjoy the trip. (snoring bf) youFML
Today, I decided to shave my beard after 4 weeks. What I didn\'t know was under my beard I had 2 pimples. It hurt like hell shaving two pimples off. (pimple) youFML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. However, she said no because she says my diamond ring was too small. (gf) youFML
Today, I went to the doctors to get a report to see If it was me who had a fertility problem as I\'ve been married for 6 years but have no children. It turns out it was me, but all a long I had blamed my wife. (oh) youFML
Today, I received an sms from my girlfriend of 4 years saying I was mean and didn\'t have the guts to dump her face to face. I was surprised as I didn\'t tell her I want to break up. I found out my younger brother was using my computer and changed my relationship status in facebook from being \'in a relationship\' to single. (younger brother) youFML
Today, I went to see a doctor as I wanted to get pills to lose weight. After I got my prescription I happen to leave my phone in the doctors room. As I entered i heard him say, \'I don\'t know what the use those pills are going to do for a fat beast like him.\' At the end I didn\'t have to pay for the doctors fees. (rude doctor) youFML
Today, a court ruled that I must continue to pay for child support to my ex wife\'s 2 children. However, none of the children are mine, even the 1 year old. How screwed up is the law. (law) youFML
Today, I received a text message from a guy I\'ve had a crush on for 8 months. The message said passionate and romantic things. I replied back telling him how sweet he was and I had liked him for the past 8 months. I received a saying he mistakenly sent the sms to me. Turns out his girlfriend is also called Anna. (the name anna) youFML
Today, I was washing my new car. I got changed into shorts and a singlet and took of my watch just in case I would scratch my car. As i was waxing my car, my girlfriend arrives home and walks past my car. I heard a loud screech. The chains on her handbag left a 12 inch scratch on my car. (gfs) youFML
Today, I had work today so gave $100 bucks to my brother to help me wait outside the local apple store to get an ipad. I tried calling him all day but he didn\'t reply me. He was hiding from me because he didn\'t line up to buy my ipad, instead he went out with his mates and used all the $100. (dodgy brother) youFML
Today, I was playing in bed with my boyfriend of 9 months. He\'s been telling me he\'s a virgin, and I didn\'t believe him until now. We both were horny and I saw him have a stiffy but he said, \'We can\'t, I want to save it for the right person and lose it when I get married.\' I kicked him out of my house after that. (stupid bf) youFML
Today, I broke up with my fiance. We were planning to get married at the end of the year. It all happened yesterday morning when a letter to my fiance appeared under the door. He opened it, and it was intimate photos of me and my ex. I didn\'t know until he left he sms\'d me saying he doesn\'t want to be with me anymore. (ex bf) youFML
Yesterday, I received notification that I was accepted at Harvard. However, my parents told me the money they saved for my education was used to pay for a new apartment and a new Mercedes e-class. They thought I would never have gotten in. (parents) youFML
Today, I had to sell more products from my company, if not I could not meet the monthly quota. The products our company sells are really cheap quality from China, such as a $120 china brand iphone. I called my relatives to try and sell them products I know where low quality. (work) youFML
Today, my wife took my son and left me. He has been telling my son who\'s 14 years old that I\'ve been cheating on her. But it\'s the other way round. My wife has been sleeping with a plumber. No wonder ever 1 month of so the plumber comes to my house. (plumber) youFML
Today, I went to the mall to find a present for my girlfriend\'s birthday present. I ended up buying a chanel wallet for $800. Before leaving the mall I went to the toilet. As I was pissing I got robbed and smacked behind my neck. Now I got a bruise behind my neck and have to buy another present. (toilet robbers) youFML
Recently, I lost my job because my boss was a homosexual and he hired me because he thought I was one too. I end up working there for 1 year. It took 1 year for him to notice I wasn\'t gay. (gay) youFML
Today after college, 5 mates and I went to my girlfriend\'s house as her parents were on holiday. While my mates where outside, me and my girlfriend were spending some private time in her room. About an hour or so, I decided to go and see what my mates were doing. As I walked past my gf\'s parents room, I saw my mate holding a red g-string and sniffing it. (ggmate) youFML
Yesterday, I was eating breakfast and my mum told us she had breast cancer. Me and my sister was terrified and worried. As I went upstairs, I overhead my step dad on the phone saying, \'babe! she\'s got cancer, how we going to celebrate!\'. I got really angry, I rugby tackled him and gave him a bloody nose. Before he left with all his stuff he scratched my car. (step dad) youFML
Last week I went to the doctor, complaining about pain in my groin. After a series of tests (blood and ultrasound), he said I was normal - for a person who has an ovo-testes and is xx/xy mosaic. I thought I was a 41-year old man. How do I explain this to my 17-year old daughter? (Nature) youFML
Last week, I purchased a cannon SLR camera on ebay off a reputable seller who had 2000+ feedback. Since it was 35% off the RRP I thought i scored a deal. Until today, I found out the seller was banned. (crap ebayer) youFML
Yesterday, I was taking an airplane from Melbourne to Hong Kong. I was taking Qantas while we took off we had to head back due to technical difficulties. There was a 5 hour delay and Qantas only gave us a $20 voucher to use in the airport. (qantas) youFML
Today, as I was waiting at the bus stop I saw two girls from my school dance. They came up to me and said, \"oh, your the girl with the bad BO, what\'s your name?\"
Today, i went to the doctor and he told me that I had a failing liver. Not one of my family are willing to donate me a part of their liver. I have be on the hospital wait list with an expected wait time of 1 year. (family) youFML
Today, I took a day off work to help my friend move apartments. I had to call in sick because I didn\'t have anymore leaves. At around 3, we went downstairs to have lunch, and my boss happened to be eating there. He asked,\" shouldn\'t you be work?\" Without thinking I told him I took leave. When he finds out I don\'t have any leaves I\'m dead. (boss) youFML
Today, I was baby sitting 2 twins, a boy and a girl. The worse thing is they both have short hair so it\'s hard to tell who\'s the boy or girl. I received a call from the kids mum to get them changed as they were going out to dinner. When the mum arrives home, then did I only notice I dressed the boy in a skirt. (twins) youFML
Today, I found out when my boyfriend says he\'s busy he was actually playing computer games. Every weekend, i would ask him to go shopping with me but he rather faces the computer. I told him I would dump him and he said, \"well at least I have my computer.\" (bf and comps) youFML
Today, I was at the casino playing baccarat. I was on a streak of winning 8 games in a row. I started off with 100 bucks then double up every time. I ended up winning $25500. I left the casino happily however, the casino staff ask me to sign up for the vip card. He took me to the vip room and I ended up losing it all. (casinos) youFML
Today, I was eating dinner with my girlfriend. She went to the restroom and her phone was ringing, so I looked at the caller id which read, Bab. I picked up and before I could say Hi, he replied, \'baby, are you ready to ride me?\' My girlfriend had been cheating on me for 2 months, no wonder she was always tired when I wanted sex. (cheating gf) youFML
Today, I kept my phone in my pocket and turned general mode on. Usually I would keep it on silent. It\'s 11:49pm now, and I haven\'t received a single sms or call. It\'s also my birthday today. (friends) youFML
Today, I bought myself a new mobile which cost $800. My girlfriend came over to my place after college and she pleased me like never before. As we were finished, she said, \"We can swap phones now!\" She uses an old 256 color nokia phone. (gf) youFML
Today, went I was going home from college, my friends placed a condom in my pocket without me knowing. As usual, I would put my pants in the laundry. Later my mum rushed into my room and ask me, \'what is this? your only 13 and you had sex already?\'. I tried to explain it wasn\'t mine. Now I\'m grounded from going out. (friends) youFML
Today, I was walking to work and I saw an old lady who dropped her groceries in the middle of the road so I went to help her out. She thanked me and gave me 2 apples. When I was at work the girl I had a crushed on greased me so I went up to her and ask what was wrong. She said she saw me steal 2 apples from an old lady. (apples) youFML
Today, my mother hired a new baby sitter to look after me (13 years old) and my little brother(10 years old). The baby sitter was a 19 year old girl. As she was the same height as me she tried on my clothes and forced me to give them to her. She took 5 of my favorite clothing! She told my mum I gave it too her as a gift and mum said I was so kind. (cheap babysitter) youFML
Yesterday, I was late for college so I decided to park at the side of the streets. Usually I have a rented carpark but I was 20 minutes late already. As I finished class I went back to move my car. As I looked from a distance it seemed my car lights were blinking and the driver door was dint in. I thought it was the reflection but it wasn\'t (unkown) youFML
Today, I went to a cinema and watched, \'she is out of my league\'. It was really funny but I sat next to a fat man who sweat like hell. While my other friends were enjoying the movie I had to leane away from the fat man. Know my friend thinks I like her because I was leaning so close. (fat man) youFML
Today, I was browsing some porn sites and accidentally clicked on the facebook share button and it automatically forwarded the picture I was browsing. I didn\'t notice till 15 minutes later. Now everyone thinks I\'m horny. (what share) youFML
Today, I was eating a famous Chinese restaurant in china town. The dishes were very expensive but I thought it was probably worth the price since it was famous. As I paid for the bill I went to the restroom and saw two rats running across the corridor. (dirty chinese place) youFML
Yesterday, I received the clothing I purchased through ebay last week. In the auction it said the clothing was brand new but when i received it, the item was worn at least a few times. Not only that, it smelt of sweat. (ebay seller) youFML
Today, I was in a car accident. The car in front of me suddenly braked for no reason and I couldn\'t brake in time so I crashed into him. The person admitted it was his fault at first however, as I lodged a complaint I found out he told his insurance company it was my fault. Since I crashed into the back so I\'m supposedly at f (lying bastard) youFML
Today, I was playing with my iphone and my younger brother came in and asked to play with it. I bluntly told him to get stuffed. I went to the toilet and when I went back to my room my iphone was gone. I looked everywhere but couldn\'t find it. Then my little brother came in and ask, \"why doesn\'t the iphone float in the bath? (little brother) youFML
Today, I was at school and rushing downstairs as I was late to class. However, I slipped and fell down the stairs. Now I have a fractured arm. (slippery stairs) youFML
Today, I was waiting outside the oval for my friends to finish class. I decided to sit down and look at the lovely sky. As I open my mouth something dripped in my mouth. It tasted like rotten eggs with vinegar. As I spat it out it was green, brown and white. I ate bird poo. (birds) youFML
Today, while I was making love with my girlfriend, i decided to try something new so I picked her up and banged her against the wall. It was a huge turn on, but my house walls didn\'t support the force, so we fell right through. Luckily, no one was home. Now I\'ve to find an excuse to why there\'s a hole in me and my brothers room (crap wall) youFML
This week, i found out my mom has gotten engaged and forgot to mention it to me. he\'s such a dick and i hate him (mum) youFML
Today, my mother told me I looked ugly and the reason I have acne is not because of hormones or being a teenager, but because I was a bad person in a past life. As I left to school she said, \"pimple face have fun at school\'. (mum) youFML
Today, my husband asked if he could talk to me about something important. He said,\' your 5 months pregnant and I haven\'t had sex for 4 months. There\'s 4-5 months left, so would you be angry if I went to a prostitute? I promise I will wear a condom.\" (hubby) youFML
Today, I was driving my dad\'s convertable 3 series to work because my car had to be repaired. I was heading home, and stopped at the traffic light. A homeless came up to me and asked me for money. I tried to close the convertible roof but It was too slow. The homeless then touched tried to touch me so I quickly gave him 10 bucks. (homeless) youFML
Today, I went to pour some milk into a bowl of cereal. the milk gallon was very full but i didn\'t spill any. right when i went to put the milk away my elbow tipped over the bowl of cereal and spilled all over my white v-neck and skinny jeans. i had to wear that outfit to school. (fucking elbow) youFML
Yesterday, my mom yelled at me for loosing some of her clothes. I had no idea what she was talking about but she called me a lying bitch anyway. i then found her clothes and she told me to go to my room and fu** off. wow, next time i won\'t find that bitches clothes. (mother) youFML
Today, I was going to tell my bf I loved him after we had came back from lunch. Then I found out he was spreading a rumor that we were making out (m.o) at lunch. The rumor got around the whole school. ): (Mitchell) you FML
Last Week, I went to the doctors and found out my report about fertility. Since I\'ve been married for 5 years, and still don\'t have a kid, my wife asked me to check up. I didn\'t know how to tell my wife that I had a fertility problem and can\'t have babies with her. At dinner, she told me she was pregnant with our baby. (cheating wife) youFML
Today, I was at a drill and gave a bad attitude to an officer placed above me. I\'m on a six month probation. FML
Today, I was a school and a substitute teacher could only remember my name, Jack. He told me to turn the lights off as we were playing a video. He said, \"Jack, please jack off the lights.\" He made fun of me in front of the whole class was laughing(Substitute teacher) youFML
Today, my fish died and my fish was my only friend. FML
Right now, I\'m sitting in my hotel room. The walls are paper thin here. The guy staying next has been rambling on his phone for the past couple hours. Before that he was clearing phlegm from his throat. I\'ve even heard him go #1, and #2. He watches really crappy tv. I feel that I know him so well, and I\'ve never seen his face. (HolidayInn) youFML
Today, when i got home from work, my mum told me there was a bat in the house. I thought she was joking and as I opened my door and saw a bat hanging upside down off my table light. Worse of all, there was bat poo on my bed. (dirty bat) youFML
Today, I ran out of undies so I wore boxers to basketball training. Unfortunately for me, the chick I had a crush on was there with 3 of her friends. I wanted to make an impression so I tried different skills. However, I felt I was getting a boner and everyone saw. (boner) youFML
Today, me and my girlfriend of two years were talking, and somehow we broke up. Apparently she\'s been seeing my ex\'s ex. and she loves her. And whats sad is I still want to be with her. (Marissa and cuntface girl) youFML
Today, I was sitting in the gym watching an East Indian dance Performance . The bleachers were packed and no one could move anywhere . A girl wearing high ass high heels decided to get off the bleachers and in doing so she stepped on my hand . Stupid Bitch ! (Ugly Slut ) youFML
Yesterday, my mom said we are leaving town for a holiday on Thursday so I won\'t be going to school on Friday. On Wednesday she told me we were going. When I got home on Thursday night, no one was home, my mum just took my brother on a holiday but not me. (mom) youFML
Today, was my ex girlfriends wedding and she had sent me an invitation but I didn\'t plan to go. We\'ve only broke up 9 months ago, and she is marrying a guy she met for only 5 months. I\'ve been with her for 4 years! FML
Today, I was at a local mall with my wife and 11 year old son. We were shopping, and my son kept looking at these ballerina shoes. I didn\'t really think about it until we bumped into my sons friend at school. he said, \' Hello, gay!\' Now I am starting to think my son is gay. No wonder he loves pink and ken dolls. (son) youFML
Today, was suppose to be the 4th year anniversary with my boyfriend. However, I couldn\'t go as I\'m a first year doctor so have to be on call so I sms\'d my boyfriend telling him about the situation and that I couldn\'t be there tonight. After the operation I checked my mobile, and the message failed to deliver. Then I saw 11 miss calls and 2 sms\'s, which basically said to break up. (crap network) youFML
Today, I submitted my 548th job application. I\'ve been trying to find a job for 9 months now. I\'ve only had 10 interviews out of the 548 applications I sent. I\'ve never got past the 2nd round interview and I only have $250 left in my bank. FML
Today, I was expecting to get my assignment mark, and I thought I would have got a very good mark. When I received the assignment mark I was terrified because I got 0. Finally, the teacher came up to me and talk about me copying other people work. Turns out my mate copied my work and didn\'t bother to change much. I was caught for plagiarism. (mate) youFML
Today, I went to the beach with 4 girls. I was the only guy so I felt pretty cool. After lunch we were walking on the rocks near the peer. Unfortunately I slipped and hit my head on the rock. Well luckily I was okay, my left cheek is swollen like hell, but my front 2 tooth are chipped. (rocks) youFML
Last Night, I got the flu and was dead tired so I asked my girlfriend to get me some medicine. After taking the medicine I got horny, and my girlfriend was laughing. She didn\'t give me the flue tablets I was asking for, instead she thought it was funny to give me Viagra. (horny gf) youFML
Today, I went to a wedding party. It was at my friends house which has a very nice property in the country side. It has a fabulous view of the hills and a very big swimming pool at the back. It was quite cold that night, and I slipped into the pool. I was wearing a white dress a silicone bra which slipped out. I didn\'t realize it until I was dried up. Everyone could see my nipples. (silicone bra) youFML
Today, I was lawn mowing my backyard as the grass was at least 20 cm long. After mowing around 80% of the yard, I suddenly mowed something with mass. I stopped the mower, and saw a snake with it\'s remains all over my mower blade. All was left was it\'s head. Now it\'s going to take me ages cleaning the blades. (snake) youFML
Yesterday, was my cousins wedding. I thought it was today so I was all dressed up and went to church. As I entered, I was wondering why I didn\'t know anyone. I saw the groom and I quickly yelled out, \'wtf, I thought you were marrying my cousin?\' in front of about 200 people. The bride then turned around and only till then did I know I made a mistake. FML
Today, I received a credit card bill of $2,342.23. I only used around $300 from this credit card. I called up the bank and they said it was used on a facebook application game called cafe world. I went back and ask my 13 year old daughter and she admitted she used my credit card to buy virtual items. (daughter and fb) youFML
Yesterday, I finally saved up for a channel bag. I\'ve been saving for 8 months already. I decided to use it today when I went shopping. After shopping I went to dinner with my family. I was sitting next to my 2 year old nephew. I went to the toilet and left my bag on the seat. When I got back my channel bag had many holes. My nephew used his fork to poke my bag! (nephew) youFML
Yesterday, my boyfriend had to go back to Canada for a family emergency. I was going to take him to the airport, but he said he would be worried when I drive back alone since it was late. The next morning, I met up with a few friends at a shopping mall 1 hour from my place. While shopping, I happen to see my boyfriend holding another girls hand. (cheating bf) youFML
Today, I was talking to my ex and he told me he is still in love with some girl he knew for a month. We had been together for years and he calls me when he needed a place because they broke up .(x-boyfriend) youFML
Today, I started to question why I am always the one who has to drive when me and my mates go to parties. A mate said, \"Well, your not going to pick up with that face anyway, so take it for the team.\" (mates) youFML
Yesterday, I lost my iphone at college and today my friend told me he bought a new iphone. What\'s suspicious is that it was the same color but had a sticker over a crack I had. (mate) youFML
Today, I received a phone interview. The employer called me on my mobile but due to bad reception the call ended. I called them back with my home phone and continued with the interview. I talked about my strengths and I heard a voice saying, \"what? your good at communication? your always in your room playing games alone.\' (mum) youFML
Last Night, I was talking to my boyfriend the whole night. We talked dirty and told was saying how he wanted to bang me. At breakfast, my younger brother gave me an evil grin and asked me, \'how do you want to get banged?\'. My younger brother had been hearing our whole conversation at night (lil brother) youFML
Today, I was at work and had the courage to ask the girl I had a crush on to lunch. She said yes so I was over the moon. As it was lunch time she asked me to go and wait for her at the restaurant. Soon, she arrived but with her boyfriend. When we finish lunch they both said, \"thanks for lunch!\". They expected me to pay! (cheap skates) youFML
Today, I was eating dominos pizza. There was a special, 2 for the price of one. I went with my mate. After eating more than half of the pizza, I bit something which was crunchy, but i don\'t remember ordering anything like that. ask I looked between the cheese, anchovies and capsicum, I could see half a cockroach with 2 legs sticking out! (dominos) youFML
Today, me and my boyfriend were making love. He was wearing a condom but I think we were being to rough and the Ansell condom had a hole in it. My boyfriend said, \'OMG why does it feel so comfortable!\' We both didn\'t know the condom broke until he came. I took the morning after pill! But I\'m still worried. (rough ride) youFML
Last week, I wrote a check to pay the initial 10% deposit of a house me and my boyfriend bought. My boyfriend has been away for 2 weeks on a business trip and won\'t be back till a weeks time. Today, the agent called and said the check bounced. I checked my internet banking and saw 45k was transferred to my boyfriend\'s account. I tried calling him but the phone is disconnected. (cheating scum) youFML
Today, was me and my girlfriend\'s 7 month anniversary. We were suppose to go out to eat and to watch a movie, but she said she got \"sick\". I went out with some of the boys to a party instead and when i got home, i heard moaning from my bedroom. I walked in to see my DAD banging my girlfriend! (dad and girlfriend) youFML
Today, I woke up late so my boyfriend said he would prepare breakfast for me. I thought how sweet of him as usually I was the one making breakfast. The bacon and eggs seemed okay but a little burnt, but it was alright. However, the coffee tasted a little funny. As I was late I quickly drank the coffee. In the car I asked my bf, \'did you throw out the milk that was 4 days off?\' he replied, \'er, no I didn\'t\'. (bf) youFML
Today, I was eating an apple while watching TV. I just bought it at the supermarket and it cost $3.99 per kg. It was really juicy and tasty, As I chewed a few more bites I tasted something different, and it tickled my tongue but I swallowed it. I looked at the apple and saw a worm wiggling. (apples) youFML
Today, I was starting my first day at a law firm. I work as a receptionist for the account manager. I saw a guy who looked so familiar. After thinking about it for a few hours I remember I had a one night stand with him. He also seemed to remember me as he kept looking. I found out he was one of the partners in the law firm. He\'s been married for 10 years. (work) youFML
Today, I went to the beach. It was very sunny so I decided to put some sunscreen on. I was reading a novel while lying on the lovely sand. After an hour or so I knew I was getting sun burnt. I decided to leave as I could feel my skin heating up. As I got home, my brother told me he replaced the sunscreen with cream. (lil bro) youFML
Today, I received a post card form my girlfriend. I thought she was trying to give me a surprise because I just saw her 2 days ago. However, it turns out she didn\'t know how to tell me she doesn\'t want to be with me anymore. She thought breaking up by phone or sms was too quick and I wouldn\'t have time to accept it. (gf) youFML
Today, I was delivering stock a customer ordered. Since I am the delivery guy, my license is the most important thing. I saw a hot girl jogging to my left. I didn\'t know I ran a red light and there was a red light camera in that intersection. Now I\'m at negative 3 points. Going to get fired for sure. FML (Oh) youFML
Today, I found out i have lung cancer. I work in a coal mine. The doctors told me they do not recommend me working there anymore. I haven\'t told my family. I have 2 kids aged 6 and 9 and my wife works part time. I am the only main source of income for the family. (life) youFML
Today, I lost a bet which was about if that girl liked me or not. Turns out she liked my friend so I lost. Now I have to carry his books to class for one week. (mate) youFML
Today, my husband caught me drinking alcohol and he poured it on my face. I\'m having issues. I\'ve been an alcoholic since our son died 1 year ago. FML
Yesterday, my girlfriend dumped me because I lost my football match. She said I didn\'t deserve to have her as a girlfriend because I made her lose face in front of her friends. FML (Oh) youFML
Last Night, I went to a party with my girlfriend, and took her home with me. I started making out with her, which later on lead to banging her on a 1990\'s bed. I banged her so hard, the bed automatically just collapsed. (Cheap wicked Be YoufFML) banged
Last Night, was suppose to be an intimate night between me and my husband. However, he said he was really tired and fell asleep. We have been only married for 2 years, I\'m 29 and he\'s 35. Does that mean no sex life for me in 10 years time? (lazy hubby) youFML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were making out, I asked him if I made him hard. He answered, \"well not really, when I kiss you I usually think I\'m kiss Megan Fox or something but not you.\" (bf) youFML
Today, I was taking the train to work and it is usually packed. I was close to the door so I could exit at the next stop. I felt something hard poking my bum, I couldn\'t turn around to look because there was not enough room. Later the object moved to my bum crack, and I heard a moaning sound. I looked at the window reflection and saw a a man. (dirty man) youFML
This past weekend my boyfriend and i went out for a nice dinner at Chili\'s. I had the fajita plate. I was so hungry i ate the whole thing. Later when we got home and in the mood we started making love. It was going really good. I decided to get on top and in the transition I farted. Thankfully it didn\'t stink. He kept going. (Oh) youFML
Today, I had some bad news to tell my husband. I just got my report saying that I have trouble having babies. I sat him down in the lounge and said, \"Hunny, I\'ve some bad news. I know you always wanted a child, but I\'m afraid it\'s not likely we going to have one as I have a fertility problem.\" He replied, \"It\'s okay, now you have no reason to be angry as I have a 9 month old baby with another women.\" (husband) youFML
Today, I decided to show my boyfriend to my friends as we\'ve been together for a few months. We went for dinner and everything seemed going fine until my boyfriend had a few drinks. My friend said she hasn\'t had a boyfriend for 3 years, and my boyfriend replied, \"of course, you look so old, your face has more wrinkly than my grandma\'s a chin.\" (boyfriend) youFML
Today, I went fishing for the first time with my boyfriend\'s family. I was a little scared since I haven\'t fished before. As I tried to swing the rod out to the sea, I hooked my boyfriend\'s mother on the arm. FML
Yesterday, I took my 6 year old boy to my friends house for lunch. My friend has a daughter aged 9. After lunch my friend and I were chatting and my son rushes down and asks me, \"mom, Tina(friends daughter) ask me If we can play sex. can I play mom?\" (naughty children) youFML
Last Night, I was at a friend place and we decided to have some alcohol. I just met my mate only 2 weeks ago at my new college and thought he was a cool guy. While we both were pretty tipsy, he tongued me. It took me a few seconds to come into terms. OMG I kissed a guy. I\'m a guy, and I still have that taste in my mouth after brushing my teeth 8 times. (gay dude) youFML
Today, I found out my so called boyfriend was with me because of money. Since i really liked him I bought him a lot of things such as branded clothing, computer and a trip to Hawaii. I thought the money didn\'t really matter as long as we were happy. My parents offered him 20k to leave me and he accepted without even bargaining! FML
Today, I woke up late so had to rush so did everything in a rush. After getting changed I sprayed some perfume, however I didn\'t see the hole and strayed in directly in my face. It took my 15 minutes to wash my eyes and I ended up with stinging eyes for the rest of the day. (perfume) youFML
Last Night, after clubbing and a few drinks I took my girlfriend back to my apartment in a hope I would get some action. We both were tipsy but I was horny as. After a brief make out section, my girlfriend started giving me head. However, after about 3 minutes she vomited. (dirty gf) youFML
Last week, the division manager told me and another colleague he was considering promoting either of us to become the project manager. I\'ve been working in this company for 3 years and the other girl has only been here for 1 year. I thought I would get promoted since I had more experience. I found out she got the promotion because she gave the manager \'special treatment\'. (unfair) youFML
Today, I overhead a phone conversation between my wife and son saying how much she wanted me to die so she can get our house and 2 other properties I own. I\'ve had cancer for 1 year or so and was only expected to live 6 months. After hearing what she said, I plan to donate all my money and property to charity. FML
Today, I changed dorms as I had an issue with my previous room mate. I was hoping my new roommate would be better, but they were similar. They both are gay and watch gay porn, while giving me that, \'I want to do you\' look. FML
Yesterday, was my 26th birthday so my girlfriend organized a surprise party for me. When I got home all my friends were here. I had a few drinks so I basically answered most question they asked me. My girlfriends mother asked, \"when you plan to marry my daughter?\" I replied, \"I don\'t plan to marry, I like how things are.\" Now I\'m staying alone. FML
Yesterday, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I thought i had the HIV virus and that she should probably get herself checked. I told her i was just kidding but she didn\'t take the joke very well. i haven\'t talked to her since. FML
Yesterday, I bought a nurse uniform from an adult shop as I wanted to surprise my boyfriend. The adult shop was on sale, however there was only a size smaller left. I thought I should be able to fit in it so I bought it. It was really tight and I had trouble flexing. As I got on top of my boyfriend the buttons came off. FML
Today, I heard that my friend was having financial problems so I went over to her place to ask her about it. She told me her husband\'s business had been losing money for a year already. She told me she had to sell things, and ask me if I would want to buy her Louis Vuitton handbag. I bought it for $500 but I found out it was fake. FML
Today I went to break up with my boyfriend, by myself, then when I turn around he is walking with another girl and broke up with me right in front of her! FML
Last week, I was officially bankrupt and I thought I was the luckiest man on the planet as my wife was still with me. However, that all changed when she told me to move out today. Luckily, my cousin opens a internet cafe so I can stay there for the night. (Wife) youFML
Today, I moved in to my new apartment. I\'m on level 31, so have a good view of the city. My sister and 8 year old nephew came along. I never really liked him as he was rude and wild. I hate him even more now, he threw my Versace suit out the balcony. I also need to pay a fine, because a police saw the whole process. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I took her to a romantic dinner, and got down on my knees with the ring in my hands and said, \"will you marry me?\" She quickly asked me to get back up as she had something to tell me. She is a lesbian. FML
Last night, I was eating Thai food as I met this Thai girl I liked from work. We went to a local Thai restaurant, and I tried to act as if I ate Thai food frequently. After dinner, my taste buds were destroyed, and can\'t speak today as Thai food is way to spicy.
Today, I had to work. I work at a cafe in a mall making drinks. I saw my ex and her new boyfriend. As I serve them their order, my ex introduce her new bf to me. Her new bf complain to the owner that the coffee was bad. FML (Oh) youFML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. She said I am too boring and don\'t do anything with her. FML
Today, when I got home, I asked my sister why everyone was so sad. She told me grandma died. She was napping in my bedroom when my mum tried to wake her. She was pronounced dead before arriving to the hospital. FML
Today, when I got home from school I saw my older brother laughing evilly. I went in my bedroom a noticed something strange. I was missing a few of my barbie dolls. I\'ve been collecting barbie since I was 6. I tried to see if the 2 missing dolls were under my bed until I moved over something hard. I found my barbie dolls cut into pieces.
Yesterday, I was watching porn when my girlfriend walked into my room. She asked me what I was doing so I told her I was watching porn. She slapped me on the face. I chased her down stairs and said I was just watching porn. My whole family heard me. My girlfriend said, \"watching porn is like cheating on me!\" FML
Yesterday, I started work at a pizza delivery place but the owner said I have to do 1 day of free work to see if I\'m up to the job. I worked for 8 hours. This morning I received a phone call from the owner saying I\'m not suited for the job. I worked 8 hours for nothing. FML
Today, as I was leaving work, my wife called me and we were arguing. I was just reversing my car and didn\'t concentrate. I reversed right into my bosses bmw m3. FML
Last night, I was on my apple macbook finishing off a proposal worth $5 million which I need to present to the directors today. However, I spill coffee on my macbook. Luckily I have a backup on my other computer but I can\'t claim for damages on my macbook. (work) youFML
Today, I was eating a nice corn fed aged beef at a restaurant in town. I thought tasted pretty good. As I was going to the toilet I saw my friend who was actually one of the chefs at the restaurant. I remember a few years back his nickname was called \"mr smelly\" as he takes showers every 4 days and never washes his hands. I\'m never coming here again. FML
Today, I went to my sisters house for a family bbq. I\'ve never got along with her husband as I knew he cheated on my sister a few years back but my sister never believes me. As I was sitting in the dinning room chatting on the phone, My sister\'s husband sits besides me and pushes the vase on the the wooden floor. He shouted out, \'hunny your brother broke our vase!\" (sis husband) youFML
Today, I was finally back from Europe after being caught up there for 3 weeks. I was suppose to be their for only 5 days. Now, I don\'t have a job because my boss said I wasn\'t back on time and said I could find other methods to get home. I could have, if I spent 15,000 USD to get home. (volcano) youFML
Today, I found out my girlfriend cheated on me just 2 weeks into my 2 months work placement. It wasn\'t like I wouldn\'t come back or anything. Now she doesn\'t even pick up my phone calls. She\'s also living in my house now, probably with that guy. FML
Today, I wore a dress to college as I was going to have a date tonight and couldn\'t be bothered going home. It was pretty hot today, so I took of my cardigan, and my dress got caught up in it. A lecture of 400 students saw me wearing my hello kitty underwear. FML
Yesterday night, I was sleeping at my new house but suddenly woke up as I heard something in the kitchen. I live by myself so I thought it was a robber or something. I went out and turn on the lights but saw nothing. I felt something move behind me so I turned around and saw this black shadow walking through the wall. I think my house is haunted. FML
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my girlfriend. I decided to get her a Tiffany & Co ring. as I entered the store the guard didn\'t even bother opening the door for me. I went in and chose a diamond ring which cost 22.5k. The sales thought I was joking. I guess I shouldn\'t wear slippers and shorts to Tiffany again. (sales) youFML
Today, I was playing with my iphone during a lecture. I checked my email and saw a link from my friend. He said it was funny so I opened the link. I thought I had my phone on silent but it wasn\'t. As the video loaded it was actually a porn clip. The whole lecture stared at me. FML
Yesterday, my girlfriend, dad and I went fishing. As I was climbed the fence my pants got caught and ripped a big hole in my pants. I didn\'t wear any undies so my balls were hanging.(free balling) youFML
Today, I was suppose to be at school studying but I had to take my friend to the airport. I saw a really hot girl waiting in the check-in line, and was surprised she was looking at me. She suddenly seemed to walk towards me, and said, \"hey jack! how you been?\" After a brief chat I found out she use to be my ex but she\'s turned into a hottie. FML
Yesterday, I went to a job interview and was really confident about getting the job. However, as I entered the room, there were 3 people interviewing me. One was a girl I knew in high school that had a crush on me, but I denied her. Now she denied me for the job. FML
Today, I was at college and overhead an Indian guy say he wanted to get a tattoo but his mum did not let him. My friend said, \"no point getting one when your so dark, you can\'t even see it anyway.\" The Indian turned around and thought I said it. He threw his sandwich at me. FML
Today, I was browsing the internet to find a job. I\'ve been job hunting for 6 months already. I\'ve only got a few hundred bucks in my account and my girlfriend just left me because she said I can\'t even support myself. She told me that she needed someone with financial stability. We\'ve been together for 5 years. FML (Oh) youFML
Today, I finally got divorced and I was hoping my brother could cheer me up so I went to his place, and took a slab of beer with me. When my brother open the door he told me he was busy and asked me to leave. I told him I just got divorced and he said, \"I\'m about to go out to the pub with my mates.\" He didn\'t even invite me. (bro) youFML
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend of 12 years. We had planned to marry next year. He said he felt embarrassed that I\'m a Director of a company while he is just a Manager. I never knew her cared so much about this, well I didn\'t. I\'m 32, and all alone. I really need him but he\'s gone. (Jim) youFML
Today, I found out my razor blade was blunt, so now i cant cut my wrist. FML
Recently, my lifelong friend told me he likes me (I am a guy and he is a guy). That was weird but what was weirder was him climbing into my bed that night. FML
Today, I was happily waiting for my wife to give birth to our first child. I was shocked when I saw my baby was black, when me and my wife are white. FML
Today, my friend told me he wanted to bang this girl called Jess. I\'m in love with Jess but I don\'t have the courage to tell him so I\'m typing it and hoping he\'ll read it. FML
Today,as I was getting out of the shower, my baby sister who is 5, walks in and said in her sweet voice says \"Nicolas, what is that small needle?\" FML
Yesterday, my mates bagged me as I\'m the only one who is a virgin. I\'ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years. So, today I asked her if she wanted to lose her virginity, she said, \"erm..I lost it last year, I thought I told you\" I replied, \"wtf, you cheated on me!\" She then says I didn\'t give her what she needed. FML
Today, I thought I would save some money by putting in new projector lights on my car. I took out the bumper and removed the original headlights. My girlfriend said she wanted to help so I unwillingly had to say yes. My girlfriend dropped my new headlights and blamed me I didn\'t help her carry it. (gf) youFML
Today, I was trying to find my cat. Usually if I yelled out a few times outside, she would have appeared within seconds. However, today she didn\'t appear so I got worried. I looked everywhere but couldn\'t find her. Fearing for the worse, I walked to the street and saw a creature lying in the middle of the road half flattened (killers) youFML
Today, after about a week of begging, I finally watched New Moon with my girlfriend. It bored me and I fell asleep. I unfortunately had a \"good dream\". She noticed and took a picture. In this picture can be seen a noticeable erection and a shot of a shirtless Jacob. I am now the biggest gay at school. Thanks babe. (Jessica) youFML
A few months ago, my b/f dumped me. It was a long story but anyways this guy I thought was really cute started texting me, so I decided to skip school with him and we ended up having sex. As we headed back to school I found out he has a g/f for 3 years and she is pregnant. FML
Today, I took a girl I like to a picnic. I prepared some flowers, champagne and food. Everything turned out well until it started raining. We moved to another location. As I was about to kiss her I placed one hand on the grass to balance myself. I felt something squishy and wet. It was some mushy poo. FML (Oh) youFML
Yesterday night, I was pretty sick and needed to go to the toilet multiple times. I decided to head down from my apartment to get some food. As I was heading back to my apartment, the lift suddenly stopped. I pressed the emergency button but the thing was I had to poo. I tried to keep it in but I couldn\'t. I diarrhea in my pants. (lift) youFML
A few days ago, I found out my girlfriend slept with my step dad while I was at basketball training. I heard her telling her friends about it and she said it was a mistake but enjoyed it at the end. My step dad has looked after me ever since my mother passed away. FML
Today, when I was having sex with my boyfriend, he sneezed and pissed on me. I guess he really needed to go to the toilet. FML
Today, I went to a supermarket to buy some condom and as I was about to go and pay, I noticed it was my mums friends working at the cashier. She saw what I was buying and now she\'s likely to tell my parents. FML
Today, I was on a road trip with 2 mates and my girlfriend. I thought it would be hot if I fingered her in the back seat. At first she denied me but after awhile she let me. I used my jacket to cover her lap and she was wearing a skirt so it was pretty convenient. I made her wet on the seat. My friend found out and made me clean his seat. FML
Yesterday, I bought some awesome new pants and then i went out to lunch. We had walked there with our dog, I asked for a tofu sandwich without hot sauce. I stayed out side with my dog and my brother thought it would be funny to add chili. I ended up spewing on my new pants. (Ben) youFML
Today, I was late for work so decided to catch a cab. The cab cost me $35 buck but I was on time. However, as I was in the lift, I found out I left my mobile and laptop in the taxi. I tried calling my mobile but the phone was switched off. (taxi driver) youFML
Today, I had a job interview and wasn\'t sure how to get there. I looked up my navigator and it said it should take around 30 minutes. I left 15 minutes earlier but the navigator took me to small roads and I ended up 10 minutes late. I will never trust the navigator again. (tomtom) youFML
Today, a student came up to me and asked why I had given her such a low mark for her maths test. I told her that the answers were wrong but also the method she used was incorrect so I couldn\'t give her the odd marks . She stomped away in anger. After class, I learned that she reported me to the principal saying that I harassed her. (stupid student) youFML
Today, I was so happy because i had won the 3rd prize lottery which was about $4,500. As I was busy with work, I gave the ticket to my boyfriend to get the money. When I was home, I asked him where the money was, and he said, right in front of you. He bought a new LED TV, a surround sound system and a new imac. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to my aunties birthday. We had bought a present earlier, but I asked her to get a nicer bag to put it in. After dinner, as I took her home she says, \'Oh no, I left my pills with the present in the plastic bag\'. FML
Today, I noticed my house mate who\'s a 30 year old guy had been secretly recording me in my room. I found the camera in a soft toy I had placed at the far corner of my room. Last night, I was using my dildo as well. I confronted him, and told him if he didn\'t give the footage back I would call the cops. But it was too late, he uploaded on a porn site. FML
Today, I left home because my parents had stole my properties such as computers and guitar to sell, so they can repay their gambling debt. I have been working 7 days a week, 14 hours for the past 2 years just to help them repay it, and this is how they treat me. FML
Last week, I broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me with my friend. He kept calling me all week asking for another chance. When I gave in, I found out he was still seeing my friend. I am so gullible. FML
Today, the fire alarm went on in the apartment. I live on the 34th floor and had to walk down the stairs after a long day at work. Turns out the fire was just someone smoking in the hallway. FML
Today, I received my 3rd parking fine of the week. The last 2 times I was handing in my assignment and parked for 10 minutes only. The third time, my girlfriend left her assignment in the car so I had to quickly give it to her. Parking inspectors earn more than managers. (parking inspectors) youFML
Today, my girlfriend borrowed my car as she had to go to three interview and didn\'t want to be late. So I took public transport. At work I received a call from my girlfriend saying the car doesn\'t work anymore. At the end, I found out she put diesel fuel in my unleaded car. Now I have to pay 1.2k to clean my engine. FML
Lately,, I\'ve been after this guy, and finally we started flirting over text. The conversation got a little dirty and I told him I wanted to sleep with him. He didn\'t seem to mind and I was pretty pleased until I found out he was telling my ex everything and we all work together. Now everyone at work thinks I\'m a slut. (Clayton) youFML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. He said he couldn\'t take the fact that I was 2 years older than him. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she did something bad and asked if I could forgive her before telling me what she did. I agreed just because I wanted to know what. She used my credit card to buy a 4k chanel bag. Now she claims she doesn\'t need to pay me back as it was a gift. FML
Today, a guy i have liked for a long time texted me saying he loved me. I was so happy and texted him back saying I felt the same. After a few seconds I received a message saying wrong person. (Gary) youFML
Last night, me and my girlfriend were getting pretty intimate and really into it while we did each other one night. We were moving around the room doing it everywhere, until we were up against the glass sliding door. Then as i was about to finish, the glass breaks. I never did finish. (Crappy Glass) youFML
A while ago, I was going out with a chick from another school. One night I get a text saying I can\'t come over because her fiance needs her. I thought we were still going out. (Katrina Thompson) youFML
Last week,I lent my heat sink and graphics card to my mate while i was waiting for my power supply to arrive. A couple of days before it got here I asked him to give them back, and he wouldn\'t.! (steve) youFML
Today, I met my girlfriends parents for the first time. I took them to an Italian restaurant down town. Everything was going well until they asked me when I planned to marry. I said, \"I\'m only 24, I haven\'t really thought about it but I hope to marry when I\'m 30.\" They weren\'t impressed and asked me girlfriend to leave me. (gf\'s parents) youFML
Today, I found out my so called boyfriend didn\'t like me at all. He made a bet with his friends he could get me within 2 weeks. He then dumped me in front of his friends. (mean guy) youFML
Today, I went to work about 15 minutes late as there was an accident on the freeway. The manager asked me why I was late and gave me a good telling off. He asked me to get him coffee so I did but I accidentally spilled it on him. Now I\'m not sure If I have a job tomorrow. FML
Today, I left dinner 5 minutes early as I was going to watch a movie in the city. As I was about to exist the freeway, I see my mum\'s friends car in my rear mirror. As I stopped for the red light she stops right beside me and says, \"You drive so slow, drive like a man!\". FML
Today, my girlfriend was trying on her knew gucci heels. I was sitting on the floor reading magazines and wasn\'t really paying attention. She asked me if it looked good and I said it absolutely looked gorgeous on her. After a minute or so, she walked over my hand with her heels. Now I have a fractured hand. FML
Like always, I like to pretend to be boys online and talk to girls (Im a lesbian, but wish i was really a boy) I take guys pictures and make up this whole entire other life, and date girls online as a boy etc. I started talking to this one girl online and she found the real guy on myspace. (myspace) youFML
Last week, I chose to save all my friends work on a flash drive in my BCA class because I don\'t do my work but, I really need the grade to pass. The copy and pasting worked just fine and I was happy. The next day the teacher comes in class saying that everyone\'s work in the system was erased and we all have to start over. (Falcon) youFML
Last night, my boyfriend of a year and I were making out when he gets a phone call. I tell him not to answer but he does anyway. He went outside to pick up the call and I heard him say \'Hey babe!... Nothing important\'. The caller was his ex girlfriend! (STUPID EX) youFML
Yesterday, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job and he asked me to go deeper which made me choke. I then threw up all over him. FML
Today, my son thought it would be funny to burn my wallet. He threw my wallet into the fire place. I thought he was joking at first until I went to put out the fire and saw parts of the badge on my wallet. I had 800 bucks in it. (son) youFML
Today, after spending a month trying to get majority of the girls in my school to call me daddy. I received a phone call from my ex girlfriend in a state I used to live in saying that she had my baby. I\'m a daddy for real. I\'m only 15 (I screwed me) youFML
A couple days ago. I was looking threw my mom and dads closet. i was reading some old sympathy cards. when i got to the bottom box below the one i was reading, i opened it and found my moms sex toys, porn, and a huge dildo. i will never look at my mom and dad the same and i will never go into the closet again. FML
Today, I started dating a guys named Sam. This girl who still likes him got his Msn password and told me I was dumped and so obviously i thought it was him. Before I got home another guy asked me out, so I said yes as I wanted a rebound. When I got home Sam explained what had happened. However, now I\'m dating 2 guys. FML
Last year, it was my birthday my wife said that she got us tickets to one of our favorite singer. It turned out ill be seeing Miley Cyrus. I hate her but my wife likes her. (wife) youFML
Last night, I sneaked in my girlfriends bedroom to give her a surprise. As I climbed into the window, I yelled out \'surprised!\' But it was me who was surprised as I saw her giving another guy a head. (amy young) youFML
Today, I went to pick up my new $56 000 car, but as soon as i left the car dealer, a truck ran into the back of my car. (truck drivers) youFML
Yesterday, I caught my little brother on my laptop. I decided to leave him to it. What\'s the worse he could do? Later on my dad decides to go on my laptop as well and finds loads of underage gay porn sites. FML
Today, I went to work expecting to be promoted to assistant manager as one of a friend who works at head office told me I would be. I felt generous, I shouted the team of 25 members to lunch, costing me $900. As I waited for the Manager to announce it at the meeting, he never did. My friend lied to me. (Richard) youFML
Today, I was early to my class so decided to wait inside. I heard sexual moans as I entered. As I walked closer to it the moaning stopped but I saw my classmate screwing the teacher. The teacher said If I told anyone she would fail me. FML
Few weeks ago, my boyfriend of three years sneaked into my house, and of course we banged. When we were finished. he laid down beside me and said \"can i have your vibrator?\" I asked why, and he said he wanted to try new things. A week later he dumped me for my best guy friend. (Justinnnnnnnn) youFML
Last year, my dad walked into my room while I was shooting heroin. He just kind of stood there and stared while I finished the shot. I\'m such an asshole. FML
Recently, I screwed this chick over spring break. Last Saturday, I went to a family reunion, and she was there. (My second cousin) youFML
Lately, I\'m in love with a guy called Austin, and he\'s in my class but has a girlfriend. He talked to me about a week ago and said i looked pretty and since then we have been talking a lot. He said he wants to have sex with me. what do i do? FML
Today, I went to my mates place and his mum said that he was in his room so i walked in. As I opened the door I saw my mate wanking. (Machin) youFML
Last night,I heard a loud \"THUMP\" down the hallway, and I knew it was the washing machine. Later on,I heard it again and this time I checked on it and I noticed it wasn\'t the washer, so I walked in the room where the sound was coming from and I found my parents screwing. FML
Today, I found out my husband of 5 years not only has very close guy friends but he also has a boyfriend. At first I thought he was very loyal as he didn\'t have any girl friend or didn\'t act flirty in front of girls. FML
Today, my friend had the flu and gave me a call to ask if I could take him to the doctors. After the doctors I took him home then went to buy food for him so he had something to eat when he woke up. Now I have the flu, and I have an interview tomorrow. FML
Today, when I was at work, I heard the director\'s conversation with another colleague. The director, said, \'Next week we\'re going on a business trip, and I\'m going to pretend the hotel is fully booked so she will have to share a room with me\'. I am the directors secretary and will be going on a trip next week with him. FML
Yesterday, I was bored an decided to play a joke on my friend. I went to a car site and expressed an interest in Ferrari\'s and Porsche\'s. At work today, my friend got cut by receiving calls from the agents. He found out it was because of me so pretended to be a loan shark and faxed my wife asking to pay up. My wife thinks it\'s true and doesn\'t let me home. FML
Last week, I was in Melbourne, Australia for a holiday. Like any normal tourist I would take photos. I was looking for someone who could take a photo for me and my wife. A man in his 30\'s appeared and kindly offered to help us take a picture. After a few shots he asked us to stand in a different location so we did. As soon as I turned around I see him running away with my 1.4K Canon SLR camera. (Aussie) youFML
Last week, i was texting my ex after he recently had found out i had a new boyfriend. he was mad and questioned if i still loved him or not. I responded, \"i will always love you but right now we just cant work.\" When i hit send, little did i realize i had chosen the contact under him. It was my boyfriends. There first name both start with a B. (cellphone) youFML
Today, I went to dinner with my long time high school friend and she was going to introduce a girl to me. I haven\'t had a girlfriend for 3 years so was a little nervous. The girl my friend introduced me was quite pretty. I went to the toilet but left my phone so when I walked back I heard, \"He looks awful no way I\'m going out with him!\" (girls) youFML
This morning, I had a beautiful dream that I was in my teens again and sleeping next to my first boyfriend. However, when I woke up everything was a nightmare. I see my 55 year old husband, who\'s bald and has a stomach as big as 18 inch car tyre, and I look in the mirror to see my winkles. (aging) youFML
Yesterday, I found out my mom had been punched in the face numerous times by her fiance and had lots of bruises. So my mom had the cops take him to jail. but the next day he was lying in my mom\'s bedroom like nothing had happened. when i asked my mom why he was here she said \"don\'t worry about it!\" (wtf) FML
Today, I drove to the gas station to put gas in my car that has been on E for 3 days. Just as I was turning, the steering wheel went stiff and i drove to the pump. Then I found out that my breaks were locked. My car just died and I coasted across the parking lot until I came to a stopped. Yeah I ran out of gas. FML
Today, I was giving head to my boyfriend but he asked me to go under the table as it would turn him on more. I only realized he was watching porn as he didn\'t look at me for a while. He said the porn star was hot and implied he was imagining she was giving him head and not me. (stupid bf) youFML
Recently, I slept with my girlfriend\'s sister behind her back and now her sister is pregnant with my baby. I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years and she\'s been trying to have a baby with me. My girlfriend is going to break up with me when she finds out. FML
Today, Me and my mate Machin were in \'Study\' reading all these delightfully funny youFML\'s, when we suddenly burst out laughing. The Teacher walked over and before we could stop laughing or close down the website, she looks at the page then at us and then says, \"No, YOU KIDs fml...\" and walked away. I expect she\'ll block this soon. (Miss Bryant) youFML
Today, I was suppose to attend my son\'s teacher interview. However, I woke up late as my wife changed the time on my clock so the alarm went off at the wrong time. My wife and I are getting divorce and she wants our son. Now my son hates me as I broke another promise. (ex wife) youFML
Today, I decided I needed to start exercising as I was loosing my shape. I went on the tread mill at my apartment gym. I increased the speed as I thought I could keep up with it but I couldn\'t. I fell, and hit my face. I lost 1 tooth and have a huge cut on my upper lip. FML (ex wife) youFML
Today, I realized my girlfriend didn\'t even invite me to her graduation. I\'ve been with her for 6 years and she hasn\'t introduce her family to me. (gf) youFML
Today, a girl I had a crush of for 1 year talked to me out of no where. I was scared to approach her before but she approached me. She asked me a lot of questions about my mate. Only then did I realize she was interested in my mate and ask me to help her out. I went home crying non stop and my mum grounded me from dinner tonight. (girls) youFML
Today, I bough two tickets to England as my girlfriend had always said she wants to go there. I tried to give her a surprise but I found out she wanted to go only with her mum and not me. However, she still expects me to pay for the tickets. (gf) youFML
Last week, I invited all my 348 facebook friends to my birthday party. My party is tomorrow and only 9 people have confirmed to come to my party. FML
Last year, me and my fiance went out to dinner in a very fancy restaurant and the waiter came to get our orders. She was a good looking. As she left, my fiance got up to \"go to the bathroom.\" After about 30 minutes he still wasn\'t back and I was cold so went to my car to get my jacket. I was shocked to see my fiance was having sex with the waiter. (asshole) youFML
Yesterday, I was looking for my dads asthma inhaler because i have asthma also and while i am looking for it i find a black bag. Inside the bag there was a bunch of sex toys and lubs but i didn\'t know until I stuck my hand in it and one was slimy. (terry) youFML
Today, I went to buy a dress. There were many people at the store and I saw this pretty dress but the didn\'t have my size. There was only a size down so i went to try it out. I went to put it on, it seemed like it fit but as soon as I bent over The dress ripped. I had to pay for the dress but the shop girl said, \'next time don\'t try on a dress that you don\'t fit into!\" (shop girl) youFML
Yesterday, was my daughters birthday so I went to the fish shop to buy her some gold fish. Later that night, I went to pee and as I was about to flush the toilet I saw 2 fishes swimming. I put my washing gloves on and place the fish back in to the fish tank. However, after a while both of the fish died. (daughter) youFML
Today,my homestay mum told me that i have to pay for a new dinning room table because there is a scratch on the table near where i sit. FML
Recently, i just purchased my first house. The price was considerably cheap, around 20% cheaper than the houses in the area. Today, I told my real estate agent friend about picking up a bargain. However, he told me the house was haunted. 10 years ago 3 people got killed. The house has been sold to 7 different buyers. (agents) youFML
Today, I accidentally left my web cam on, while I went to the toilet. My boyfriend was still in my room at that time. Later in the day, my friend called me and told me she heard my boyfriend talking to another girl and saying all these kinky stuff. I found out he was seeing another girl for 3 months. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 7 years dumped me on msn. She told me she still cared for me but needed time to think things through. She asked me if we still could be best friends if we did break up. (bitch) youFML
Yesterday, I trusted my girlfriend enough to go to a party with her freinds, i knew she would off been drinking so i was a bit Scared that she would cheat on me, later that night she told me that everything was okay and she did\'nt cheat on me Later that day i found out that she made out with 3 guys and got fingered by 2. (Girl freind) youFML
Last weekend, I was asleep in my room and I received a text. It was my boyfriend saying, \"im done. don\'t text me anymore\". When i call him a girl picks up the phone so i hang up. The girl texts me from his phone saying \"this is his real gf\". I come to find out later on he did this as a game to test if i would come back to him. I so pissed. (ex bf) youFML
Yesterday, I was taking a trip to new york viva plane. While everyone was asleep i heard a peculiar noise coming from what seemed to be behind me . i turned around to Investigate what this noise was, and to my horror it was a fat sweaty obese man ,jerking off :(. you think me looking would put him off . WRONG !!!! thanks (thanks sweat obese man ) youFML
Today, I went to a job interview. I thought I was lucky to find a parking right outside the building. After the interview, I tried to find my car, but only then did I realize I had parked in a tow away zone. Now I have to pay $550. FML
Since last year, I love this guy so much, however he never has taken notice of me or even might have no idea I exist. FML
Recently, I lost my virginity to a guy i have been dating for over a year and he lost his to me to. Earlier that day he said he loved me and that he wanted to take it a step further.....so we did. After all that happened he said that we should just be friends and that he didn\'t love me anymore but he still wanted to do things. (LittleF) youFML
Today, I just realized that I\'m falling for one of my good friends whose a guy! It\'s not even physical cause we\'ve never messed around and i wouldn\'t, but its the way he thinks and sees life that I\'ve been looking for in a woman and yet find it in him! What the flip! FML
Yesterday i came to school happy to see my boyfriend. But when i got to school i found out that my boyfriend had been staying at my friends house for a couple of nights. Then i saw about five love bites on his neck. then i got suspicious. then i found out he did more stuff with her, and even worse, he still hasn\'t admitted it! FML
Recently, I had a girlfriend for a few weeks, but me being young and stupid, it would be forever, but it did not. she went to a party, and I was organizing to go, but she did not want me to go. I found out she went and sucked some other guys dick and now he wants to bash me. I think to worse thing is she did it when we were still together. (bitch) youFML
Last week, i was texting this 7th grader that i met the week before. I told him i was at the mall and he told me to buy him condoms for us for friday. He then invited me over for dinner on friday. I went trying to be nice. He wasnt kidding aboit the condoms. This kid actually fucked me Drew, Youfml (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I found out I am m a low life because I go on youfml everyday FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for my sister who is 21. We both are 15. I got dumped when he txt me saying, \"I am in bed with your sister.\" (boyfriend and sister) youFML
Today, after being with my wife for 3 years, we started having sex for the first time [we\'re Christians]. As I dropped my pants, she pointed and laughed. FML
Today, I realized my girlfriend had been 2 timing me. While we were having sex she called me Ryan. I asked who he was but she would not tell me. I asked her to leave but she ask for my forgiveness and confessed. I wanted to vomit because I licked my girlfriends vagina all the time, and it is like sucking Ryan\'s dick. FML
Today, my cat jumped up on me making me fall over and knock myself out. While unconscious, it decided to throw up a hairball on my face and then lick it up, which wouldn\'t off been to bad if it hadn\'t just eaten its own poo. Which he decided to do on my brand new white carpet. FML
Last weekend, my boyfriend of 4 years, rang me to tell me he had a surprise. Being paranoid as it was, I asked him the obvious questions, was he cheating? I received a reply by text 2 hours later and was surprised it was him who stole my bra\'s and shoes. He was a cross dresser. (GERRY) youFML
Today, I found out the guy I liked was going out with the same girl for like the 7th time. They have been on and off.. (My crush and this little b ) youFML
Yesterday, my girlfriend of two years tells me she wanted a more mature man, and promptly spends the night in MY driveway with some dude in his truck. (shelby) youFML
Last night, me and my boyfriend banged. I am just 14. I turned around after we were taking a breather and I saw my little brother sitting on the floor laughing (Bro) youFML
Recently, I liked this guy a lot. However, he asked my best friend out and she said yes.(Mariah Griffin) youFML
Today, my girlfriend on 7 years told me she wanted a break as she thinks our relationship is boring and lacks spark. I really love her but can not do anything than think about it all day and night. FML (Oh) youFML
Last night, I walked into my parents room for help with homework. My English teacher (who was not my dad) was in bed with my mom. (mom and english teacher) youFML
Yesterday, at my family reunion, my girlfriend announce she was pregnant. I\'m infertile and my whole family knows. (my girlfriend) youFML
Today, in Math, we changed desks. My teacher put me right beside Marcus, this guy I have a huge crush on. We were flirting when I felt my monthly gift. When i went up to ask to go to the bathroom, the blood had gone through my pants. FML
Yesterday the guy i have been seeing for 8 months told me he had a girlfriend and a child with her...... you (Oscar) FML (Anonymous) youFML
At boyscout camp This old man took my bike because i wasnt wearing a helmet well it pised me off and i took off into the woods. They sent a search party to find me but could not I thought it would be funny to jump out and scare a man searching for me So i did I scared him so bad he had a hart attack now he is in the hospital FML (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, I was at a costume party with my boyfriend and him and his best friend were dressed as the same character and later that night when my boyfriend asked to have sex he said we should keep our masks on to keep in character, after having sex i realized it was his best friend. (mr g ) youFML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me cause he thought I cheated on him with my best guy friend. I tried explaining to him but he does not believe me. (Mick) youFML
Today, I was in class and the hot girl in our class sat next to me. She wore a short skirt, so it caught my eye. I kept staring until the teacher yelled out loudly, \"have you starred enough?\' Now the whole class thinks I\'m a total perv. FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me. He then came up and asked if I liked it better up higher or lower, I told him higher. He went down on me again but up higher, I felt nothing good. I jerk him off all the time, and I never get off cause he finishes in about 3 seconds. (Anonymous) youFML
One morning I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I decided to wake her up by putting my hands in her pj\'s and as I was playing around in her pj\'s I felt her start to get wet so, I started to finger her and when I pulled out my hand it was covered in blood. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, I was walking with my girlfriend, trying to act like the tough guy, i kick open a heavy door.. just so happens a guy with his broken arm in a cast was behind the door.. it hurt him a lot.. karma came back and and got me as i tripped out of the door and broke my foot :| (instokarma) youFML
I just found out my dads girlfriend is is pregnant and i just realized that im a father.... ill have some trouble explaining that to my dad (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I realized my boyfriend thinks i am ugly. I heard him tell his friends, \"I don\'t want to stare at her, there is just too many pimples. I can not kiss her anymore.\" FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were messing around and he was playing with my vagina but I started having my period. FML
today while i was at the mall i had to use dha bathroom rlly bad , i ran into dha nearist bathroom and begen to walk to a stall i saw one open so i walkd in the next thing i kno im sittin ontop of a guy with my pants pulld down , he jus grined and held me i quickly got up and ran out ,(weird guy) youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I was making out with this chick I met at the bar. I thought she was classy until I saw she had a dick. Who knew that transsexuals could look that hot. (Transexuals) youFML
Today, during 2nd period, I asked the teacher if i could go to the restroom but she said no. I tried to hold it in but i could not any longer. i was about to pee my pants so i got up and peed in rubbish bin at the back of the classroom. (Teacher) youFML
Today, I went for a jog and left my mom my girlfriend and my little brother who is 13 in the house. While i was gone, my mom went to the grocery store. When i came home my little brother grinding my girlfriends leg. She was asleep. (Little bro) youFML
My ex is now a baby daddy. Just saying :) Not mine! (Derick) you f***ed up :) (Anonymous) youFML
today my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me and im on myperiod fml . (Anonymous) youFML
I was at a bar today and i met this really hot girl. We were going to have sex. When she took off her pants i found out she was a transvestite. (Anonymous) youFML
DjhadjGuchu xsgjkjtfdg vygsec jhdetyujv dddyjjijgderyiknhh frs hhuiik (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, I was spending time with my boyfriend of three months i used his phone. I decided to look through his messages. A girl asked him earlier that day if he wanted to hang out he said \"yea\" she replied \"with dick? (; \" he had then replied \"prolly not\" i found out that girl was my favorite cousin who was with us. (Oh) youFML
Lastnight i agreeded to let my wife tie me to the bed and was shocked when i got a 9 inch dick in my ass (Anonymous) youFML
so ive been off sick for three days and my family doesnt even care at all my brother called me a bitch and said he said he wanted me dead my mom hates me she yells at me all the time even when im sick what a great mother i have my dad is on my moms side i cant trust him grrrrrr i hate my family!!!! (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I skipped school in the woods with a couple of friends to get high all day and somehow ended up in a pasture that was someones property and got attacked by 4 of their cows. (cows) youFML
Today, I saw lady gaga walking with her friend on the street. I yelled out to them to wait for me and they ignored me and kept walking. They heard me and said \"keep walking\". (lady gaga) youFML
TODAY AS I WAS TXTIN MY SISTER TXT ME TELLING ME THAT MY BF WAS A GOOD ASS KISSES AND I TOLD HER YEA HE IS WHY U ASK AND SHE AWNSER NAAAWW IM NOT ASKI IM TELLING UR HE IS A GOOD KISSER CUZ I TRIED HIM TODAY.SISTER YOU LIFE MY LIFE (FML) (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I was at school and my mom called me and told me to pick up my sister for a doctors appointment. i went to the attendance window to checkout and then I left. When I came back professor told me that i would have to attend summer school because i was absent for 4 classes and i had final exams that day (My Mom) youFML
Today, I was caught cheating on my boyfriend of 2 years. I was kissing a guy in a party. I don\'t understand why he pretended nothing happened and didn\'t even mention it when he drove me home. (unloved) youFML
Last week, my boyfriend dumped me because he said noone lasts so he wanted to end it now instead of later. But he still calls and says he wants to still have sex! (ex boyfriend) youFML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he said my best friend was hotter and more fun. (bf and bf) youFML
Last Week, While I was at school I started talking to my girlfriend; I hugged her from the back and then the teacher accused me of sexual harassment. She told the dean that I was sexually touching her STOMACH. Now my parents and her parents were called, her parents hate me.FML (Oh) youFML
okay...so my ex bf dumped meh for some girl that he hardly knows. We known each other for lyk maybe...7 years and a half... and he known this girl for lyk....1 month. -.-lyk wtf. I REALLY liked this guy....i thought he was THE ONE. but that girl ruined my chance -.- (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I was jerking off in the toilet and forgot to lock the door, i heard my mom coming so i quickly zipped up my pants and got my thing caught in my zipper. (Mom) youFML
Today, a guy I really liked tfor 5 YEARS asked me out. But, recently he has been flirting with all the other girls. Then, he decides to make me jealous. I dont pay mind to him. I decide to say no. After i waited for 5 YEARS for this to happen. (Smiley ) youFML
My boyfriend. I adore him. We never had closure. I wanted to make love to him. I never got the chance to tell him. Because,He moved far.far.away. His parent\'s were going through a divorce so we didn\'t have any say on anything. Not his fault. Its now been a year. Time and distance. I still love him (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, me(19) and my 18 year old step sister went to a party. We both got very drunk and when i woke up, (in my own room) i was half naked with my dick up, lying beside my step sister who was completely nude. I don\'t even remember a thing. (incest) youFML
Today my art teacher decided to tell me that I finally became a nice person. He has taught me for two years. (mr Frankland) You FML (Anonymous) youFML
well this dumb bit** thinks shes bad a** and she can tlk sh** to every1 without them saying anything back but aha i proved that bit** wrong and said u dumb nasty c*** one day someones gonna put u in ur d*** place and got in trouble for it bc my teachers are dumb a****....(FML) (Anonymous) youFML
I just watched two girls one cup. poopoo you fml (Anonymous) youFML
I was tlaking to this new girl after my ex gf had dumped me. She asked if i liked these other girls an i said \"no i dont like them an ( meaning to say i do i said ) i dont like U i promise on everything .she said bye enevr tlak to me again :/ (Anonymous) youFML
I keep having the same dream of different guys I think are hot asking me to prom, but when I meet them their they are completely ugly!! WTF! (Anonymous) youFML
im 16.ive never had an \"actual\" boyfriend.ive never been kissed.and i spend most of my weekends alone at home in my pajamas day watching pointless t.v.fml (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, I was talking on the phone with my boyfriend having sex talk and fingering myself. I didn\'t realize all along my sister had been in my toilet peeping the whole time. (sister) youFML
Today, I walked in on my wife taking care of herself, which is usually hot. Then i noticed her on the phone, having phone sex, with another guy, which happened to be my twin brother. (Anonymous) youFML
today i had two boys asked me out and my boyfriend just broke up with me and now my best friend broke up with her boyfriend so she can date my boyfriend when she knows i still like him because i am pregnant with his baby and she just told me she had unprotected sex with him (austin and che) FML (Anonymous) youFML
My baby momma come back from california sayin she wants to be with me just to end up goin back to the guy who cheated on her for 9 months wth his 2nd ex wife....wtf??? FML!!! (Anonymous) youFML
Lately, i keep messing up on probation. I don\'t seem like I can stay out of trouble. I keep failing subjects at school. The only thing that\'s going good right now is my relationship but we are fighting a lot lately, i love you Ashlie kimbrell (life) youFML
My ex bf dumped meh for my ex fwend. Apparently he said he dumped me cuz he thinks shes more intelligent than me, shes better at sports and he thinks she pwettier than me.YEA RITE. Im smarter than her D: (yew should see her report card), im teh volleyball, basketball and football captain and im MUCH more pwettier that her. WTF (Anonymous) youFML
Today, my boyfriend said he had a birthday surprise for me. turns out he had sex with another girl and they have a baby together! My parents now want us to break up. we have been dating for 5yrs and he took my V card. (Devin) youFML
Yesterday, my younger sister who is ,5 cut my hair which i recently just cut the day before. She cut patches in my hair now I have to shave and get a wig. (sister) youFML
I was taking a crap, and i realized there wasn\'t any toilet paper. i look down and see my socks. they look useful...Fml! (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, my friend told me she was being fingered at school by her boyfriend. After, he went and wiped his hand all over her face. Now she feels like a slut and asked me if she dump him. (friend\'s bf) youFML
Today, I was in Canada visiting my family with my sister. Before we left me and my sister were sitting in the car with the door open. A couple jogged by and my sister (thinking that everyone who live in Canada spoke french) yelled out \"hey, they can’t understand what we are saying YOU SUCK” Not everyone in Canada speaks french (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant and I was happy at first. After a long thought I\'m stressed as hell as I\'m only 19. Now I want 2 die (gf) youFML
After the love of my life for 3yrs decides to tell me he\'s seeing someone new after breaking up a week ago lie he\'s been seeing her for months THNX Facebook!)I decided to go out to the bar and have fun. But wait who is the waitress?!His \"NEW\" Girlfriend...Can it get better? Yes,what is she wearing?!MY shirt that he \"lost\" (Anonymous) youFML
Today, my boyfriend thought that he would finger me while i was asleep. I was shocked and reacted by giving him a black eye. (bf) youFML
Today, I was having a good day and feeling excited because i had some pretty exciting news for my mum. I walked into the house to find her not there. I looked around the house to notice her bedroom door was shut. I opened it to find my best mate of 15 years and my older step brother tag teaming my mum! (mate and bro) youFML
I faught with this boy at school. Here me out. We hate eachother. He couldn\'t take it anymore soo..he told the whole school that I sent bad pictures to him. This isn\'t even true. His girlfriend at the time was sending him tons on inappropriate pictures. No one found out. Everyone still thinks Im nasty (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, me and my brother were having a fight. Yet again, he slams my door. Around the middle of the night I had to go pee, I tried to open the door and it wouldn\'t open. Turns out my brother slammed the door so hard that it when past where it should stop. So I was in my room really needing to pee, and I in my room. (Brother) youFML
Last night, i was missing my boyfriend as he is out of town at a conference. Being as horny as I was, I decided to call him up for some phone sex. Things were getting hot and heavy (him with his hand and me with my vibrator). Both him and i were about to \"finish\" when my batteries gave out. He finished and I\'m left horny. (batteries) youFML
Today, I had to ride in the back of my boss\' van to pick up items for an office party. When he came around to let me out he got on top of me and tried to rape me. Security guards saw but wouldn\'t help thinking we were messing around. I finally kneed him in the boss and ran away. (Security Guards and Boss) youFML
Today, I was helping kids in a gym so had to bend over frequently. I notice a tear on my pants. As i looked in the mirror the tear was so huge that everyone could see my bum cheeks. (walmart pants) youFML
A couple of days ago, I accidentally found my ex\'s facebook. Out of curiosity I decided to look around and found out that not only is he still with the girl he dumped me for (after assuring me he\'d dumped her) but he has been with her since before he asked me out. I was the \"other girl\" the whole time. (skank ex) youFML
I feel like Anne Frank. Missunderstood. Im told that I need to be my perfect older sister. (Anonymous) youFML
Recently, my boyfriend and i got into a fight and didnt talk for 2 days so I had sex with one of my friends. I found out karma really is a bitch because now i got herpes. (Karma) youFML
Today, it was storming outside and I had to run away from lightening and THUNDER. It was gloomy and cold and I was alone. But as I was waiting for my ride this random Asian man stole my damn umbrella and ran away smiling like the Cherise cat. Then I got splashed on by a car driving past me. (bad day) youFML
Yesterday, i was walking to one of my lessons and I noticed a hot boy was staring at my bum. I felt odd by quite happy that I was attractive. However, when i got into class i realized there was toilet paper hanging from my knickers. He was staring at that. (Toilet paper) youFML
Today, I was in class waiting for the teacher to arrive and it was really hot so i went to take my jumper off. Unfortunately my jumper hooked on to the button of the shirt and pulled it up as well. My bra was on show with one of my boobs hanging out. (shirt) youFML
Today, i forgot my lunch and i didn\'t eat breakfast. (memory) YouFML
I walk into school. I breathe deep, no more shit,you\'ll be fine. What do you know. That word came out again. Would\'nt you just love being called \"Firecrotch\" every little moment of the day. I wish someone, someday would stand up and say \"It\'s beautiful. You look okay.\" But instead it always cuts deeper everytime. FML (Anonymous) youFML
I was on one of those crazy school trips. It got late and we were playing truth or dare on the bus. It got intense. I quit. My boyfriend was still playing. He ended up getting a handjob by my best friend. My best friend. Is a GUY. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Just then, I got off the phone with my new boyfriend, and he said that he is on his way over. I was so excited! so i went into my bathroom to put on make-up and do my hair. As i was curling my eyelashes; my dog barked which gave me a shock. Now for one eye I don\'t have any lashes. (doggy joe) youFML
Last night i went to a party, some kids there were doing some white world so i decided to try it for myself, as soon as i knew it i was greeked, the high only last for 15 mins, so i ran to the nearest couch and passed out. I woke an hour later with huge weniers all over my face and stuff in my hair.(FRIENDS) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
Today i found out my wife of 18 years had a sex changed before we met.....FML (Anonymous) youFML
Last night i snuck over to this girl i have never met before. so i took the car and drove out into the country. after talking for about 2 hours we decided to have sex. (at the time i thought she was not a virgin). so when we were done i looked in the backseat and i almost cried...... brand new interior that cost 1,500 FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I have to borrow again money from my wife. My car is almost empty on gas. I have a nice job but I get the right timing on bills because of the payday dates. I have to live like this for the next more months, I want to get out of the Fuck\'n job how ever my wife will lose the benefits which she really badly need. FML (Anonymous) youFML
I really liked this guy. And he knew. Next thing i know, he\'s dating someone else. His cousin. He chose his own cousin over me. (Dillon) youFML. (Anonymous) youFML
I really liked this guy. And he knew. Next thing i know, he\'s dating someone else. His cousin. He chose his own cousin over me. (Dillon) youFML. (Anonymous) youFML
one day me and girl where making out leaning against a window while my finger was up her pussy . it was soo HARD CORE the window broke and the bitch fell out and broke her leg she was wearing nothing but her bra on . . . DAMN eff\' my life xD (Anonymous) youFML
today i came home from work to give my partener a 9 month anniverssary present i walked in my kitchen and saw him doing \"stuff\" with a banana and a nother guy (jojo) UFML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I got this dare to kiss this guy i really like. when i went up to him and was about to do it. what do i do i trip and land flat on my face and he just walked around me.(Oh) youFML
bonjours à tous moie, je suis une personnes differant nous sommes tous differant moie cest mon visages halucinant impresionant si il ya des personnes qui peuve se mobillisées pour ma differance mercie à tous de votre humanitées. (Anonymous) youFML
Last Night, I was getting a blow job from my girlfriend who did it for the first time. She started getting a bit rough, and ended up ripping my fore skin off, i spent 3 hours in surgery and 3 days in hospital.(GF) youFML
I was walking home alone after school.. I saw an apple core on the side of the road. I looked up and saw a child staring at me?. but i just kept walking... As I Arrived home I saw an apple on the bench and it made me thing of my long walk home. i reached out to grab the apple... but I grabbed the orange. FML (Anonymous) youFML
today i told my mates im a furry. after another guy mate(Van) came and sat with us. hes also a furry. my other mate asked \"do you guys hav sex with animals in suits\" and we explained it to him. later we were walking down the hall. a girl came up to me and said \" Alex told me you and Van hav 3sums with animals\" (Alex)youFML (Anonymous) youFML
yesterday i walked into my bedroom after a long hard day at work. i walked in to see my little brother raping my dog (lil bro) YOUFML (Anonymous) youFML
Last night i went dinner with my dad. We haven\'t really got along and last night we thought we would try to talk things out(btw my dad is very religious and has no idea i am bi)it just so happened the one of my classmates ended up sitting at the table next to us and said loudly that i was bi and had a bf. FML
after having to walk for 4 and a half hours home with a friend because our mates doged us at in the freezing cold we arrived at my house at 4 30 am with no one home only to relise my keys were in my friends bag. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
I was very sick for 3 days, then the other night i went to the emergency room. i was telling my mom how much i missed my boyfriend while laying in the bed. i got home, the next morning my boyfriend broke up with me....FML (Anonymous) youFML
I told my friends in school i was going on a two week vacation but really i was getting Chemo for cancer and wanted some time away from school so the day i came back to school with a shaved head my friends made fun of me cause they thought it was a new haircut i told them thanks for reminding me i have cancer. FML
I kicked my bf out last night cuz I found out he cheated on me & I went out with a friend. When I got back @3am he was crying outside for me. Today I found out he slept with the girl upstairs last night cuz he was \"lonely\"!! (Anonymous) youFML
i was playing cod and i was doing really good and didnt want to stop and right as this was happening my friend called \"girl\" she had called to remind me that we were supposed to hang out and i had lied and told her that i was grounded and couldnt hang. about 30 seconds later my mom called up to me saying alaina is here..fml (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I was hanging out with two guy friends of mine. One happened to be SUPER cute. Him and i were sitting behind a bush. He kept dropping hints, like he wanted to kiss me.. i wanted to SO bad. all of a sudden, my dad comes out YELLING at me because i was alone with this boy.. it was SO embarrassing. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
I have been doing 3 years of a bachelor degree to get me into the postgrad course I really want to do. Last Friday they decide to tell us third years that we don\'t have the pre-requisites for that postgrad course anyway. UNISA, you fucked my life (Anonymous) youFML
i gave up the girl i have fallen i love with for another girl who treated me like i was dirt and now the girl im in love with has a new bf and doesnt want me back fml (Anonymous) youFML
After a month of intimacy after school in the library with my Potential boo, he finally tells me last night he doesn\'t know what he wants yet. AFTER we ALMOST had sex... next day i see him holding hands with some other chick.. nicee.... FML. (Anonymous) youFML
So I was having one of my guy friends over ( That i really liked) and i was getting ready and everything. So i went into my parents in their room putting my dirty clothes in their closest and i saw my dad jacking off!:( And i told my guy friend and he tried going back there. FML) (Anonymous) youFML
Today my boyfriend messaged me and said \"One of my friends said they saw you in town with a guy\" I said \"I haven\'t been to town in weeks\" Now my bf thinks I[\'m lying.... (Anonymous) youFML
In class yesterday,i was trying to tell one of my friends i needed to talk to her. The minute she turned away i turned to look at the teacher and bumped my pencil off the desk and between my legs when i was closing them. (ShittyDesk),YouFML (Anonymous) youFML
this has been going on since i was in highschool, some fat guy that litterally has no personal hygiene thought my group was cool and started hanging out with us even though me and my group repeatedly bagging him and pushing him around trying to get him to leave. one day he came up to me and said that he finds me attractive. FML (Anonymous) youFML
My best friend lives in tyler My \"little sister\" is shopping My sister\'s with the kids My mom wont care Who will miss me? (Anonymous) youFML
today i was giving my boyfriend a blow job for the 3rd time and as i was going his phone rang and he started talking to my bestfriend like nothing was happening. I got up and walked out (boyfriend&bestfriend) youFML! (Anonymous) youFML
For 3yrs my bestguyfriend was bugging me to go out with him &+ i finally did go out with him and a week later he breaksup with me for a slut. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
my wife had txt me and told me to come home early bc she was horny.. so i did and once i walked in i saw her haveing sex wit the pizza guy.. FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, my best friend told me she was in love with me. The bad news? I\'m a straight girl, so I told her that I could never see her that way. Now I have a swollen cheek because she slapped me and screamed that she never wanted to see me again. (best friend) youFML
i recently got a new girlfriend(had been single for 4 years) and within 5 weeks she started saying she was busy and that she had been staying at her friends house, one morning i recieve a picture mail from my friend, its him getting a blowjob, from my girlfriend, FML (Anonymous) youFML
I told my ex boyfriend I loved him, and he looked at me and said, \"Im over you..\" FML; (Anonymous) youFML
Just the other month, my big brother moved out for fighting with me all the time. Last night, he came over too visit. I tried too avoid the stupid guy. I walked in the kitchen and talked to my mom and then he comes in the kitchen yelling and saying hes moving back in the house...And my parents said yes... OMF, FML forever... (Anonymous) youFML
i just had an epic conversation with some guy from Washington on omegle. Just talking about the cities there and how nice it is/looks. he had to go so he was gonna give me his number to text him and talk more, then omegle failed and \"error, conversation imploded\" popped up. omegle disconnected us. fml. (Anonymous) youFML
i just had an epic conversation with some guy from Washington on omegle. Just talking about the cities there and how nice it is/looks. he had to go so he was gonna give me his number to text him and talk more, then omegle failed and \"error, conversation imploded\" popped up. omegle disconnected us. fml. (Anonymous) youFML
i just had an epic conversation with some guy from Washington on the site Omegle. Just talking about the cities and how nice it is/looks. he had to go so he was gonna give me his number to text him and talk more. As he was typing, \"Error occured, chat imploded\" popped up. Omegle Disconnected us, FML. (Anonymous) youFML
i just had an epic conversation with some guy from Washington on the site Omegle. he had to go so he was gonna give me his number to text him and talk more. Then \"Error occured, conversation imploded\" popped up. Omegle disconnected us. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I was having sex my bf when he asked me to get out of the room while he called his other gf and asked her if she wanted to have a threesome. I\'m so pissed and his other gf was actually one of my friends. I broke up with him but i still love him. FML
Today, I was lying back at the dentist. I noticed the assistance was burning hot. As she bent over to help out, I started to get an erection. She noticed and I was so embarrassed. (hot assistant) youFML
Last night, I was on webcam talking to my bestfriend on msn (who is a girl), i went for a shower and told my bestfriend i would brb forgetting to turn my webcam off i came back 10 mins later to get dressed then jumped back on the computer and said \"bak\" to my shock she replied nice show :). (Web cam) youFML
Today, my boyfriend and I were being sexual. In the midst of our activities he gets up from his bed and says stay right there. A minute later he comes back cupping something in his hand. Its lube. Not only is it lube, but its his mother\'s KY lube he stole from her room. I felt irritated after it, and found out it was expired. (Oh) youFML
Today, I found out my girl slept with her ex while I was in jail for driving under suspension. (gf) youFML
Yesterday, I was at my boyfriends sisters house...i was wearing these really cute khaki pants..his sister and her husband were laughing about something. I didnt think anything of it..then my boyfriends niece came upto me and said \"you know you have a tear in your pants!? I dont wear panties or anything! (pants)FML! (Anonymous) youFML
my dick is so big. FML (Anonymous) youFML
I have had sex sooo many times.. FML (Anonymous) youFML
I was walking around when i spotted a friend. I said hi to her and talked with her for a bit when suddenly 2 of her friends that were guys came up to me and asked what my name was. I Told them my name and then they started punching my out of nowhere. Now i have bruises on my head and arm. My friend didnt even tell them to stop. (Anonymous) youFML
Last weekend, I was over at my bf\'s place. I was lying on his bed and i got my period. I had no tampons or pads so i ended up using toilet paper all night since no store was opened at that time of the night. (Oh mother nature) youFML
Today, I was at the PE class. I had gotten my period but did not have any tampons so I to use toilet paper. when we were playing dogeball, I fell and my crush helped me up, but the toilet paper fell through my shorts. (Toilet paper you) youFML
Two nights ago, i went out camping with a bunch of my buddies. we ended up having some drinks (like we always do) and i made out with this hot guy i have had a thing with for a couple months. that\'s as far as it went and i was happy with that. i found out the next night he banged the biggest slut in town. (hot guy) youFML
today my boyfriend looked at our school christmas tree and saw my ordament on the tree that i took a week to make, he said it was a horrible ordament not knowing it was mine. Nolan you fml (Anonymous) youFML
Today i saw my girlfriend fuking my best frend and she was enjoying it but when she was in the mood i asked her if she you know, wanted to, but instead she just used a vibrating \"toy\" (Anonymous) youFML
i was getin ready for skool and my mom left me coz she waas mad :(( fml (Anonymous) youFML
I sat down on the couch to play video games and felt something weird so I picked it up and it was dog poop! The dog pooped on my clothes that I had left on the couch and it got all over the pants I was wearing. Also, it got in under my fingernails and all over my hand while my fiancee was sleeping on the bed! FML! (Anonymous) youFML
Today, as I was having sex with my girlfriend, my sister accidentally walked in on us. To break the awkwardness she jokingly asked \"Mind if I join?\" My girlfriend said she could. (Jess) youFML
Today I was masturbating to some porn, but my mm walked in and I didnt kno what to do, so I punched her in the face. Now shes bleeding and i dont kno what to do :/ becuase she wont get back up...fml. (Anonymous) youFML
The other day, I was giving my boyfriend oral and as I did so he started Sceaming,\" call him bob!\" (Cody) youFML
I like to do it dirty, Like really dirty. So me and my gay friend were watching porn together. We saw this one thing that was so disgusted that we had to try it. We went to the shower and after a few trial and errors we got it! But then his groin was strained. But it started to work until my boyfriend came in and saw us. (boyfriend) youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Every nite and day I dream about sex. The problem is I\'m a virgin, and my boyfriend is also one. We have decided to stay pure until we got married. One day, I called him and he sounded nervous and out of breath. Then I heard some noises. Apparantly, he was getting it on with the cell phone still on so I could hear everything. Dumbass left the phone on! I\'m gonna break up with him, and get my slut on! (Cameron)youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Every nite and day I dream about sex. The problem is I\'m a virgin, and my boyfriend is also one. We have decided to stay pure until we got married. One day, I called him and he sounded nervous and out of breath. Then I heard some noises. Apparantly, he was getting it on with the cell phone still on so I could hear everything. Dumbass left the phone on! I\'m gonna break up with him, and get my slut on! (Cameron)youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were having sex and we heard someone come towards my room. We quiet down a little but didn\'t stop, as someone start to try to open the locked door we tried to get up, and tried to get our clothes on. My little brother open the door and saw me and my boyfriend having sex. (Brother) youFML
Yesterday, my boyfriend of 3 years wanted us to take it to the next level, so I went and bought an outfit from Vickie\'s and when I came home I found that \"take it to the next level\" meant watching him jack-off to naked women. (Oh) youFML
Today, i went round my boyfriends house for the first time, all his family was there like his cousins and aunts, uncles and I ended up falling down his stairs. (stairs) youFML
Today, my brother invited some friends over, which turned into a big party. I fell asleep. They got drunk and decided to have a contest on \"who can destroy the the most in Ashley\'s room\", I have to say there all winners. My room smells of pee, my bed is upside down. (brother) youFML
Today, me and my friend were sitting up the back of the classroom and she could smell something really odd. I found out that my legs were open and it was my period flowing out the bottom of my pants. (period) youFML
So me and my friend went out for a nite hoping we\'d find some cute guys to hook up with in Vegas.... Until we got piss drunk and ended up sleeping with each other. I bet it was great but I can\'t remember it and we\'re both girls. I hate this feeling of unusualness in my vagina. It\'s tingly all the time. I mean I love my friend but I have a boyfriend back home. I think I\'m going lesbian but we\'ll know sooner or later when we do it again. Oh and don\'t try semen it tastes like the vegetable Alfalfa. Other then that, \\(Vegas) youFML ( we still woulda done it any way) (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, i was using my vibrator suddenly it stopped and got stuck. I couldn\'t pull it out so had too go to the hospital. My parents were not impressed. This morning my boyfriend found out and dumped me because he felt that he was not good enough. FML
Lately, I have began to have wet dreams over Justin Bieber. I am a 16 year old boy and have a girlfriend. I do not know what is wrong with me, I am so confused. FML
Today, i lost my ipod touch charger the battery are dead my phone bills were off the charts my xbox 360 got the red ring of death got told off by a geek at school and my girlfriend dumped me. FML
Every nite and day I dream about sex. The problem is I\'m a virgin, and my boyfriend is also one. We have decided to stay pure until we got married. One day, I called him and he sounded nervous and out of breath. Then I heard some noises. Apparantly, he was getting it on with the cell phone still on so I could hear everything. Dumbass left the phone on! I\'m gonna break up with him, and get my slut on! (Cameron)youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I just noticed that my boyfriend says \'I love you\' only when he wants or needs something from me. What does he want from me? Sex and money. (Asshole) youFML
My girlfriend broke up with me and yet asks for help with things and expects me to be good with everything that has happened. (ex) you fml. (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. She was having her monthly gift and I did not know. My fingers are bloody. (Maria)youfml
Last weekend, I was at a party and got real drunk and I was hitting on this girl, She told me she was single so I fucked her. Two weeks later this guy jumped me and gave me two black eyes. I guess she had a boyfriend. (lying bitch) youFML
Yesterday, i realize that my ex boyfriend never really liked me and that he just went out with me to see if i would have sex with him. (cheap ex) youFML
Today i went to burger king with my friends, and we ordered 3 cheeseburgers and when we got home and opened the bag we realized that there was no patty on the buns. (BurgerKing) youFML
Today, my friend informed me how him and his girlfriend had stopped fighting, because they broke up. Ive been madly in love with his ex for a while. We texted all the time and I thought there was a chance. I decided to ask her who she likes, but she told me she still likes my friend. Fml
Today, I was jerking off and then my parents came home and and my speakers were on full blast. I turned round and came on my parents (parents) youFML
Today i was sitting at my computer and watching Youtube when i felt a HUGE sneeze coming on. It passed and i felt relaved, until all of the sudden it came back. I sneezed twice, since i wasnt ready for it, i hit my elbow on the first sneeze, thinking it as gone and then i hit my head on the second. Now i have 2 bruises. FML (Anonymous) youFML
So i\'ve been dating this guy and he lives pretty far away and i started too reallly like this other guy and we started dating, Well about maybe a week later i found out he was cheating on me, after i got mad about it i relized i was pretty much cheating too, Carma\'s a bitch (Carma) FML (Anonymous) youFML
I used to have a boyfriend and he had a \'bestfriend\' that was a girl. I hated it. He would be with her more than me. I eventually broke up with him because I didn\'t want a boyfriend. I then hear that they were all over eachother and that they always were. (Anonymous) youFML
okay so yea i like dis boy name nick rite but im not da only one its dis gurl name ciana n she like him too. so i told dat nick iz mine n u no dat so back offfffffff hes off limits (Anonymous) youFML
My boyfriend never helps me out with our son since he was born. He didnt even get up while I was healing from the c-section. He gets mad when I ask him to buy diapers and stuff...but doesnt hesitate to spend money on garbage for himself. He\'s nice to me and wants to talk to me only when he needs a favor. (Anonymous) youFML
I was having butt sex with my girlfriend the other day because she was on her period. I wasn\'t wearing a condom and was using KY. All of a sudden she goes \"uhh ohh\" and she had diarrhea all over me... (Anonymous) youFML
my friend told me she sh*t her pants once an i laughed at her for like 2 weeks. then at work today i totally did the same thing. had to get sent home. fml (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I went back to my house to play some XBOX then i saw my roommate masturbating with a my XBOX 360 controller. I am never touching that XBOX controller again, i cant even look at her again. (Roommate) youFML
I really need to concentrate on my class I am about to fail but I am still reading stupid lame fml stories during class even worse I am writing one! FML!! (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I thought i was home alone so I changed my tampon with the bathroom door open. All of a sudden my dad walks in and says, \"Could you stop masturbating? Cause I really gotta take a dump.\" (dad) youFML
So, my dorm roomie decided that we needed to throw a party .... all I know is I\'m passed out on the floor and my roomie throwing up everywhere then, we see nothing in our dorm..... except for a donkey and a naked man. (roomie) FML (Anonymous) youFML
about a month ago I went to a pary at my freinds house there was this girl there who Iv realy wanted to ask out. I wound up geting drunk and hooking up with one of her best freinds (a girl) and the girl who I liked got with my best freind ( a guy) oh FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today my husband told me he was leaving me. Y? Because his crazy mom has been a B**** to me since we got married and he says I\'M not trying hard enough to get along with her. So guess he rather go back to his crazy mom then stay married and help raise our daughter. Looks like she got her wish for us not to b together ugh SCREW YOU B****!!!!!! (Anonymous) youFML
my fiancee and girlfriend of ten years fucked a kid from school four months before our wedding. cancelling our wedding and destroying my life and now i still cant end things with her (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, I was at a football game with my friends. My mom went and almost to the ending of the game, my mom decides to get wasted(drunk) and take her bra off and twirl it around and flashes all my guy friends. The worst part about it is when she stood on the bleachers and started to dance and her wig fell off. (MOM) youFML
Yesterday I was in info & was bored. so i read fml stories all class. (Anonymous) youFML
found out today my youngest son who is going to be 20 in dec is having a baby...i have mix feelings. however i do he will be a great dad (Anonymous) youFML
my oldest son is so disrespectful! didnt spend thanksgiving with him! nor will i ever will! its clear he hates me and thats ok! all stems from me reporting his sexual abuse tot eh authorities. I had to! he\'s on probation no jail time and blames me due to the fact he\'s regestered as a sex offender for years. am i a bad parent? i have been on a guilt trip every since. givin him his way. sleepin in cars with him when he has no address. he has bleed me dry and he knows im guilty for snitching on him and he uses it. im so tired and i cant say sorry enough and i dont know if im sorry. im just tired. hes an adult, and also a victim of abuse he always say none of his offenders are paying for what they did to him. i told him we can make them pay. however he dont want to go thru with it...i dont know what to do...all i know is i cnt be any more bitches and be disrespected by him...LIFE SUCKS (Anonymous) youFML
Friend got busted for DUI last year and has no license until June. This morning he got a call informing him that he had won a brand new car. They asked him if he was over 18, then asked him if he had a license. He had to say his was suspended. They gave the car to another lucky winner. FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, When I got home from work I went in the car to change into something sexy before entering the house. When I went in the house I saw my boyfriend sleeping with his sex doll on top of him. (Johnny) youFML
Well i like this guy and he likes me too. Me and him went to a concert together and on the way back my friend was driving and me and him were in the back of the car and we had a great time. next day i see him he has a girlfriend! FML (Anonymous) youFML
My mom found a bike & thought it was mine, so she brought it home. & i road it around turns out it was stolen now i am on two months probations. Thanks mom. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
today i was with my girlfriend. vie been wanting to finger her and just when i got the balls to do it she said... i have my period. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, I found out that my girlfriend of two years has been cheating on me for a couple of weeks now with some guy. I found out a text message from her saying \'your so dumb i\'ve been cheating on you for a couple weeks and you never realized your so dumb. (Cheating bitch) youFML
Theres nothing wrong with sleepying with you son for I know that now, Do you feel my heart beat against your back? do you feel the air from my nose while i hold you, while im sleep? do you feel me son? Im your mommy, I feel you, sharing my bed with you is wonderful and I should have shared it way before you turned 16, I now sleep better because of you. I love you son. mommy (Anonymous) youFML
Today when i got out of bed i was late for school and when i was walking towards the door my mum walked in & bashed my nose & while i was walking to my bus my nose started bleeding & i had a WHITE shirt on . Doors FML. (Anonymous) youFML
today i woke up well rested finally had at least 7 hours of sleep after a week of everyday with less then 3 hours of sleep. on my way to work on time and earlier I managed clip a trucks tail light with my right side view mirror! my first brand new car still less then a year old (Anonymous) youFML
My boyfriend of 2 years, takes his best friend with him everywhere he goes, this wouldn\'t be that much of a problem, but his best friend wasn\'t a girl, who is a HUGE flirt. She flirts with him constantly, and he flirts back right in front of me, when they both swear that it would be like incest if they did anything. boy you FML (Anonymous) youFML
Recently, I invited a friend to a party. We were just friends. I warned them that sometimes when drunk i will force myself on people. I ended up having sex for hours with my friend and now I\'m falling for him, but I\'m still in love with my ex too. (alcohol) youFML
Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex when i realized that he wasn\'t getting started so i tried to help by giving him a blowjob but his penis was small that i had to fake it with my hand and i didn\'t even fit in when we were having sex . FML (Anonymous) youFML
I found out that my girlfriend of a year cheated on me a few times. What gets to me more than anything was that she told me that she couldn\'t handle it if I ever cheated on her. One rule for her and one for me (Anonymous) youFML
I finally prepared myself to give my boyfriend a blowjob and the night we had a chance, I couldn\'t get his zipper down, so now he\'s mad at me. (Anonymous) youFML
so i was getting ready for sex with my gf and it was gonna be our first time. we started taking off our clothes and then i took off my underwear and showed her my naked body for the first time. she looked up and said \'\'thats it!?\'\' and left. thinking that she was gonna leave the house, she walked up the stairs to do it w. my bro (Anonymous) youFML
Last week, I found out my ex (of over 3 years) is getting married. I didn\'t really care until I found out the date they picked....My birthday. (Crazy Biatch) youFML
so this is not a great week for me. ive been going out with this girl for 3 yrs. were seniors this year. today i was fooling around and took my best friends phone and looked through the msgs. He had saved msgs from my gf from 2 years ago until now. they\'ve been secretly meeting and having sex for the past 2 years. (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, me and my boyfriend and his twin brother went to a party. I started to mess around with him. Come to find out it was his brother and he didn\'t even stop me. FML
Yesterday, I was excited about to go see my gf then she texts me telling me we need to take a break. FMLL
I found out the guy i dated for half a year, after we have been over for about 2 or 3 months he was still cheating and messing around with his exgirlfriend. boyfriend, youFML! (Anonymous) youFML
I was at math class and as the bell rang, our teacher told us to sit down as he calls us by group to our next classes which is world language. He called on the Spanish class first, so I stood up from my seat and told my best friend to wait. I tripped on my shoelace and fell on my guy classmate\'s body. (shoelaces) you FML. (Anonymous) youFML
I Was Sleeping With My Boyfriend And Than I Found Out That He Was Cheating On Meh For Like Half Of Our Relationship And With My Best Friend FML!!! (Anonymous) youFML
So today me and my long time bf were making out on the couch, kissing each others kneck and cuddling. but today when he moved down to my kneck he started to use a little teeth. at first i liked it. untill his nibble turned into a chomp. he bite my kneck. i bled. he sucked. wtf twilight!?! 2/2/08-9/20/10 >:\\ (Anonymous) youFML
today i woke up, missed my bus, didnt have time to get some food to go to school, having diarree, sitting on a bus with a 85% chance of getting raped by black man listening to biggie smalls. while sitting across a guy who listens to lady gaga, with his speakers on school(youfml) (Anonymous) youFML
yesterday i got in a fight with a girl. i busted her screen door & tackled her into her house, giving her a bloody nose. her sister came in and sucker punched me in the face & they kept hitting me. i got a black eye from her sister. and she is telling everyone she beat me up because i have a black eye. from her little sister. (Anonymous) youFML
today, im in band while i was dancin i hit myself in the mouth. i think i loosened my tooth. ppl who make brass instruments, you fml. (Anonymous) youFML
today, i figured outa that the guy i like is gay. gay ppl, you fml. (Anonymous) youFML
last week i waz at disney and after goin on the rocking rollercoster my hair waz all skrewed up and my mom had me hold her purce and diper bag and these two cute guys came through and one of em said \"what about her\" and the other dude said \"no way man shes like 30 and shes like a mom!!!\" and im only 13!!!! FML!! (Anonymous) youFML
break up with my gf, get caught in her side of the dormitory at school not long after. now im suspended. FMLLLLL (Anonymous) youFML
the night before i got drunk i had a glow in the dark blue elephant silly band... now i have a black microphone. fml. (Anonymous) youFML
It was Monday morning and I had a terrible night sleeping. I got up and was drowsy from the very get go. The drive to work was miserable and I had to force myself to keep my eyes open. I finally get to work, enter my office, pick up my coffee cup and head towards the coffee machine. As I am on my way there, I am ambushed by a co-worker who asks me to sign a card. This isn\'t un-common because whenever there is a birthday in the department, we all get that person a card. So I go back to my office, grab a pen, sign the card \"Happy B-day\" and give the card back to my co-worker without looking at the actual content of the card or the other messages. Finally I get to have my coffee and wake up. 30 minutes later another co-worker comes into my office and says, \"Why did you sign the card like that?!?\" I was perplexed and responded, \"What do you mean?\" He goes, \"That was not a birthday card, that was a condolence card because her mother died!\" FML (Anonymous) youFML
I just found out the guy i like and i thought liked me really likes someone else...guys are so dumb they need to get a life...gawd all of them are manwhoars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Guys) you FML!!! (Anonymous) youFML
im totally ****ed up (Anonymous) youFML
The love um my life just told me he never loved me in the first place (Anonymous) youFML
My Best friend killed herself cuz i slepted with her boyfriend and now she is dead cuz of meh, i am such a very very bad person, i Am SO SORRIE Sarah, I Wish I could turn back time and never let that happen, Im Sorrie, Goodbye Sarah, i will miss yuh deeply, i wish yuh were still her so i could tell yuh that i was very sorrie ily (Anonymous) youFML
My boyfriend of 3 years was using the bathroom. i picked up his phone and saw naked pictures of a girl.. i left him. 3 days later hes living with her. two months later.. they are engaged FML (ex) ugh (Anonymous) youFML
i just found out i am pregnant by a random guy i had a one night stand with (Anonymous) youFML
When i was 6 years old me and my friend, Joesph, were hanging out. He decided that it would be cool if we played around in my uncles car because all the doors were open and we could unlock the trunk. First i put him in the trunk of the car for a while and then i let him out. Then he put me in the trunk and let me. We did this for a whil and we were having fun. Then his 2 year old cousin showed. he told Mark to let us out of the trunk when we told him to and shpwed him what to do. Since i was only 6 i trusted my frined because he was 10. then we both got in the trunk and close it. we stayid for a minute and then we yelled so his cousin could let us out. We waited but nothing happened. I told my friend that i was really scared and I thought we were goin to die. He kept telling me to shut up. We were in the trunk for like 20 minutes. Then it got opened. It was my friend Marks grandmother, I knew i was in trouble. When i went inside i got my ass beat and was grounded :-( (Anonymous) youFML
Ok I was at school It was lunch time. I was sitting with my two friends at the table. I went to go talk to one of my friends at the other table and they saw something on my butt. I went Back to my table and my two friends were laughing. They let it go and I went back to the other table. I came back and they were laughing even harder. They finally told me I had gum on my ASS!!!!! I denied it and they were still laughing so I went to sit on one of my friends lap and told them to touch the gum with her hand. She said hell no and so she took my hand placed it on the gum and I started to scratch it off. I went back to my seat still scratching my ass. When I thought I had it off I stood up and bended over and asked them if it was still there. They started laughing again. They started crying and said no its not there but you have a wet spot now and it looks like you pissed your self now. (Anonymous) youFML
Today i found out my wife of 18 years had a sex changed before we met.....FML (Anonymous) youFML
one time i took a shower then i saw there was no one home so i was danceing naked when my step brother walked in on me and said nice rack(stepbrother) FML (Anonymous) youFML
Last week i was kinky texting an unknown number who i thought was a boy from my class\' number, who i have had a crush on forever. The next morning i found out that it wasnt this boy, it was actually my step brother!!! FML Now i am scarred for life and cannot look at my step brother. (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, i went to a prom. Everything was going perfect until i started drinking and drinking and I got fucked up. i started crying about this girl i have i huge crush on since 8 years ago, i even called her, and commented on her FB wall while i was still drunk... She didn\'t care for shit. (SHE) youFML
Last week i was kinky texting an unknown number who i thought was a boy from my class\' number, who i have had a crush on forever. The next morning i found out that it wasnt this boy, it was actually my step brother!!! FML Now i am scarred for life and cannot look at my step brother. (Anonymous) youFML
bonjours à tous moie je suis une, personnes differants nous sommes tous differants moie cest mon visages halucinant impresionnant si il ya des personnes qui peuve se mobillisées pour ma differance mercie à tous de votre humanitées. (Anonymous) youFML
boyfriend is attractive. youfml. (Anonymous) youFML
Today i found out my wife of 18 years had a sex changed before we met.....FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I went to the park with my friend. There was this really hot guy there, and he kept looking my way. So I made it a point to look back at him too, and even flirt a bit. He walked right by me and my friend, and completely ignored me, but said to my friend \"Hey,\" Teresa and Hot guy youFml (Oh) youFML
today i was at the zoo feeding the monkey. all of a sudden they jumped on me and i was jumped by a monkey. the took my wallet. you bastards. (Anonymous) youFML
me and my bestfriend (its a girl) have been bestfriends since last year. yesterdya she told me she was in love with me and now its awkward fml!!!! (hayley) (Anonymous) youFML
Today... I found out i am pregnant. I am 12 years old. It was my first time having sex. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Today I was in the kitchen cooking Christmas goodies with my mum and my dad walked in, not realizing I was in there, looked at my mom and said, \"How about you come sit on my lap and we will talk about the first thing that pops up.\" I\'m officially scarred for life. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
today i was planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years. we were in a restaurant. as soon as my knee hit the ground she chocked on a piece of food and almost died. (life) you FML ! (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday me and my boyfriend of 2 years decided to bang before Christmas as part of my present. His dick was literally the size of an Arizona Ice Tea can.. We were getting rough before we got down and before he stuck it in i told him not to because it would have hurt, but at the most unexpected moment, he said, \"Look !!!!\" and of course i looked and he shoved it right in.. My whole vagina tore and there was blood everywhere. He thought i was on my period until he saw my crying and looked down.. This is not how i wanted to spend my Christmas... instead of presents, i got in trouble from my parents and surgery. FML (sexxxxx) (Anonymous) youFML
So me and my girlfriend were making love at her house, and in the middle of it she calls me peter pan, well i didnt say anything and just kept going with what i was doing then all of a sudden she yells out with meow (girl) fml (Anonymous) youFML
So me and my girlfriend were making love at her house, and in the middle of it she calls me peter pan, well i didnt say anything and just kept going with what i was doing then all of a sudden she yells out with meow (girl) fml (Anonymous) youFML
so this guy i like was going to ask me out on christmas and he was like im sorry my aunt doesnt apporve of the age difference (two years) and i was like its okay and now he is flirting with another girl its so annoying ! FML!!! (Anonymous) youFML
Lately, it was snowing and I was walking to KFC with my two friends after school. There was lots of snow around, and one of my friends threatened to throw a snowball at me. I panicked for some reason and started to walk sidewards like a crab, begging her not to throw the snowball at me. I wasn\'t looking where I was walking, so I slipped and did a ninja styled half a backflip and hit the floor. People had to stop and stare AND LAUGH. It was so embarrassing FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Sitting next to an annoying friend in the cinema. Her: oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh Me: O.o Her: kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss Me: erm... Her: oh no oh no oh no oh no Me: STFU BITCH! SCREENS CAN HEAR YOU (Anonymous) youFML
Sitting next to an annoying friend in the cinema. Her: oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh Me: O.o Her: kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss Me: erm... Her: oh no oh no oh no oh no Me: STFU BITCH! SCREENS CAN HEAR YOU (Anonymous) youFML
dec 29 is my birthday and it is raining hard they where going to take me to the movies and it was raining (fml) (Anonymous) youFML
Today i went the drama room in my school i thought no one was there but, turns out there was a girl changing her pad right in front of my face FML (Anonymous) youFML
I was in love with this guy who didnt want me. He started dating his cousin instead. (Dillon) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
Ive been in love with my ex forever and all of a sudden he dumps his girlfriend whose my best friend for me. She just found out him and me are together after hours of my telling her hes a dick. Now im a backstabber. (Anonymous) youFML
Last night, I found out my first love and boyfriend of 5 years is gay. I walked in on him and my dad having sex. My mom and dad are still married too. FML (Anonymous) youFML
this morning when I was getting off the bus the bus driver said watch your step , I turned around and slipped down the steps and hit my head on the ground (Bus driver) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
Ok I was at school It was lunch time. I was sitting with my two friends at the table. I went to go talk to one of my friends at the other table and they saw something on my butt. I went Back to my table and my two friends were laughing. They let it go and I went back to the other table. I came back and they were laughing even harder. They finally told me I had gum on my ASS!!!!! I denied it and they were still laughing so I went to sit on one of my friends lap and told them to touch the gum with her hand. She said hell no and so she took my hand placed it on the gum and I started to scratch it off. I went back to my seat still scratching my ass. When I thought I had it off I stood up and bended over and asked them if it was still there. They started laughing again. They started crying and said no its not there but you have a wet spot now and it looks like you pissed your self now. (Anonymous) youFML
The other day, my boyfriend was almost home from his three week stay with his parents. I wanted to give him a surprise, so I started masturbating with a Popsicle. Unfortunately, it melted inside me. The stick had splinters and now my vagina is sore(Oh) youFML
I\'m 17, my b/f almost 19. I\'m a virgin as is he. Today we were texting and talking about how bad he turned me on today, and he started texting me things hed liked to do to me and he knows I won\'t have sex until after marriage. He has gave me a promise ring and weve been together since I was 13. Well suddenly he quits responding to my textes well I had to meet him at 5 after I got out of a physical. I go to his house which isn\'t far by walking and I have a key, I unlock the door and go in. And theres my B/f screwing my bestfriend.....My bestfriend is bisexual and has a huge crush on me, didn\'t know my b/f too. What does he say to me? \"Come here baby I wanna screw you soooo bad while being screwed\" (bi b/f and bff) youFML (Anonymous) youFML
my friend is stuck between 2 different guys..one claims to be in love with her, why the other is just some ginger nerd.. LOL (love) youFML! (Anonymous) youFML
ok so i stole marti gra beads from a pine tree and one of my guy friends asked me if i earned them...and i was like huh????? and he says \"did u flash it??\" and i sayd \'na the tree didnt wanta c my boobs\" and he sayd \"doubttt, it was all stiff for u\" And i was like \"i love the stiffness of its pine needles\" and hes like \"its up for u\" and im like \"its maple stickyness turns me on\" and hes like wow and i sayd \"wow if i huged it now i wouldnt b a tree hugger id be a tree whore\" long story short the tree rejected me :(. (Anonymous) youFML
Today my hamster had a baby..the she eated him FML (Anonymous) youFML
All of my friends are going to the movies today, unfortunately my parents wouldn\'t let me go. Now i\'m home alone. Bored \'AF. (parents) You fml.. (Anonymous) youFML
Today my best friends boyfriend kept on flirting with me an i think my best friend knows uggh FML (Anonymous) youFML
I was masturbating on Friday, (using the end of a flag pole) the plastic tip came off and got stuck up my vagina, I tried to get it out but ended up pushing it up further. I told my mum, and now she knows I masturbate, she offered to buy me a vibrater. The doctor has to remove it tomorrow and the receptionist laughed..fml (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday , My boyfriend invited me over for dinner. It was so romantic and after dinner we sat at the table talking and he walks over to the stereo and says \"I dedicate this song to you\". The song \"Show me your genitals\" play and he starts dancing. Now im single and he\'s dating my older cousin. (Anonymous) youFML
Hello everyone this is not a FML story. ITS AN INTRODUCTION TO MY LIFETIME STORY I WILL BE POSTING (COMICS) TO RETELL MY LIFE TIME STORY IN SIMS 3 PICTURES. The tags will be love,pain,sorrow,depression,bullying,death,life,accident,mistake etc. Please when i do post the comics take some time to have a look. thxPleaseLookWenPostd (Anonymous) youFML
My mom dated a guy for 10 years. They had my little brother. Then they got married so he could adpot me. ONLY so we could all have the same last name. I grew to hate this guy. My mom knows that and knows that he a total ass. And yet she is still with this guy and continues to ignore me. (Mom) youFML (Anonymous) youFML
My mom dated a guy for 10 years. Had a my little brother. They then got married so he adopt me. Just so we would have the same last name. My mom knows I hate this guy and he is a total ass. And she still is with him and continues to ignore me. (Mom) youFML (Anonymous) youFML
Im in school. FML (Anonymous) youFML
i want a mustache. FML (Anonymous) youFML
The love of my life told me, in my face, to go kill myself. Rejoiced when he figured out I almost did, and still to this day, degrades me for every action I make. And he\'s on my mind all the time. I can\'t live without the pain-high he gives me, because he\'s taught me that I\'ll never be loved. Ever. And guess what. I never have. (Anonymous) youFML
Today i woke up and took a Sh** and for got to wipe my a** went to school smelling like straight up A**........FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, I saw a commercial for a Snuggie. I thought it was a very stupid idea, but I couldn\'t change the channel because I was under a blanket and didn\'t want my arms to get cold.(people) youFML
A couple of years ago, my ex-boyfriend dumped me for my ex-best friend because he thought I was fat. He thought she\'s skinny and looked like French models. I still remember this because he made me ashamed of how I look. (My ex-boyfriend) youFML
Yesterday, I asked my boyfriend when he said he loved me, did he mean or say it. He said just saying it but he was going to break up with at school but we didn\'t have school. So I just went out with an asshole pretty much .. (Anonymous) youFML
A few months ago my father passed away and my stepmother of 18 years cried to me that she didnt know how she was gonna pay the remainder of the mortgage and the car my father had recently bought her. So while in a vulnerable state she conned me out of $40,000 from my trust fund. (Robin) youFML
Today the I took the girl of my dreams out to breakfast, We\'ve known each other for three months now. After breakfast i brought her to my house and serenaded her by playing my bass, music and cooking are my life mind you I love METAL music its all i listen to, she messaged me on Facebook saying she doesn\'t like METAL so yeah FML (Anonymous) youFML
so today i was getting ready to fight then all the sudden i fell flat on my face so at this point i just walked home fml (Anonymous) youFML
I was late for school this morning. I snuck into class and took my seat and dropping my binder on the table (which I had been clutching to my chest) I waved to my friend Amber. Everyone was laughing. I figured they were teasing me for being late. Turns out I forgot to button my shirt. Apparently I have a nice rack. FML.(World) (Anonymous) youFML
Getting the guy youve always wanted as a boyfriend but this other guy i like just told me he loved me and is hurt. (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, I asked my boyfriend when he said he loved me, did he mean or say it. He said just saying it but he was going to break up with at school but we didn\'t have school. So I just went out with an asshole pretty much .. (Anonymous) youFML
today my girlfriend and i were having sex, i was approaching the big finish i looked down and noticed she was looking at her nails, when she saw me looking at her she simply said, \" are you finished im hungry\". my shaft went limp, she got up, made a sanwich and i have blue balls. it was our 1 year anniversary. (Ashley Cooper) youFML
2day i got killed FML wait it is alrady (Anonymous) youFML
the other day my bf dwn on me after a weird feelin i started shaking and screaming i stopped him and said i think i jus had a seizure he laughed and said no u just orgasimed we laughed so i said continue so he did and i peed on accident lol fml (Anonymous) youFML
Today I was at the coin laundry sharing frozen yogurt with the girl I like. Then my archnemesis walks in to pick her up. Turns out they\'re dating. FML (Anonymous) youFML
today I found out my girlfriend had aids and she didn\'t tell me so now I have aids fml (Anonymous) youFML
ok, so me and my boyfriend have been together for awhile. & i have never done anything with a guy before, not even talk dirty.. So he starts talking dirty to me and then he told me it was my turn and i didnt know what to say, freaked out and just started laughing.. Thats so embarrassing. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
A few days ago, my boyfriend dumped me, saying that we were arguing too much. The next day i saw him again and he was acting cold hearted to me and glaring at me the entire time. I found out Im pregnant. Yesterday we argued again and i couldnt tell him i was pregnant. Today i found out he sleep with my bfs sister.(matt)youfml
This morning, while taking my daughter to school, she asked how old I was when I lost my virginity. I replied \"I was around 17.\" She replies \"I BEAT YOU!\" She\'s 13 and mormon. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
One night while thinking \'bout this guy I\'ve liked for some time, I get a notification on my phone saying I got a chat message....well it ended up being the guy that I liked...now in my head I\'m like \'this kid is creepin\' or something\'... ...then I end with saying \"see you tomoro?\" I think I might have freaked him out! (I)fml (Anonymous) youFML
Today I realized I rather play xbox then have sex with my hot ass fiance. Maybe Im turning gay. FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today I found out that the girl who turned down my offer to go to a dance with me would rather not go at all than to have to spend an entire night with me (Anonymous) youFML
2weeks ago my bf of a year broke up with me,he has slept with 3 \'friends, 3 people that i dont even know, kissing countless amount of people, got a bj off \'Friend\'.i thought we where going 2 get back together, leading to stupidly having sex with him. had sex with the girl his bestmate is inlove with.we all need to go the clinic. (Anonymous) youFML
Today my boyfriend stuck his entire arm up my ass (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs by Embromix.com - photo stitch designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs : creative designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns download every week (Anonymous) youFML
I was in a spelling-bee the other day. My word was Lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon. Yes, its real. FML (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs download : redwork designs, FREE designs, new patterns download every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs - photo stitch designs, FREE designs, new patterns download every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs download : creative designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns download every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs by Embroidery MIX - redwork designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs by Embroidery MIX - redwork designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns every week (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs by Embroidery MIX - redwork designs, FREE designs, new patterns every week (Anonymous) youFML
I overheard my bf planning with his friends. The plan? Get some girl drunk and gangbang her. We\'ve been together for 3 years. Youfml (Anonymous) youFML
i overheard my bf planning with his friends. The Plan? Getting some girl drunk and gangbang her. We\'ve been together for 3 years (Anonymous) youFML
Embroidery designs by Embromix.com : photo stitch designs, FREE embroidery designs, new patterns every week (Anonymous) youFML
my crush kept on begging me for a hug so i gave him one but instead of wrapping his arms around me he acccidently punchd me in dha face giving me a black eye .{crush}youFML (Anonymous) youFML
I Told My Boyfriend I Was Going Out Of Town That Day. Later That Night, I Went To The Mall, And My BF Was Making Out With My Best Friend! FML (Anonymous) youFML
I got upset because when me and my boyfriend were talking, he brought up his ex. So of course I got upset. Now he\'s acusing me of not caring enough. (Anonymous) youFML
I walked into my kitchen to get something to eat, and my mom asked me if I wanted to go to the bank to deposit my money, and I said, \"Well, I kinda look like crap..\" so she said, \"Well, yeah.\" -.- glad to know we agree on something.. (Anonymous) youFML
today my boyfriend of five months dumped me for no reason. when i asked him why he did it, he said he felt that he was too old for me, we are both 16. FML. (Anonymous) youFML
lol my brother is such a fatass i know thats mean but its true he never stops eating when he stands up he looks 6 months pregnant he also looks like a girl and sounds like one too the other day my friend and his mom both thought he was a girl my friend goes is there something wrong with ur sister such a fail lol (Anonymous) youFML
Last year, on super bowl sunday, my little brother who was 8 went to get my parents when the game started. However, they were making love but did not lock the door. My brother was terrified and I had to explain to him what happened. (Parents) youFML
i turn my back for two damn seconds and brother thought it would be so funny to restore my iphone all my contacts everything gone!! stupid brother so i grab his ipad from him and he starts screaming like a little girl dude seriously this is what u get if u mess with my stuff im gonna mess with yours (Anonymous) youFML
today my dog died i chased a butterfly and tripped i saw a squirrel get ran over by a car i had 11 projects due to the same teacher in one week...and i lost my bff..and bf. bfffff..bfffffff...and i crashed my car and lost my cell!!! FML (Anonymous) youFML
today i found out my innocent angelic christian daughter was preganant..my son is guy..my husband cheated on me with my sister..and that im a lesbo!! (Anonymous) youFML
I\'m always doing some sorta of school work weither its Mon.-Fri. Saturday and Sunday I always am and I hate it. Then when i woke up this morning to say goodmorning to my Mom she told i would be doing school in summer too, just because.FML (Anonymous) youFML
i was watching porn secretly in my room and i didnt know my mom came in and so i started jacking off. i was almost done and she came in and asked me \"do you need my help?\" i was so embarrased ! aawwwwww FML (Anonymous) youFML
one day i came home from school and decided to watch some porn . i went to my room and had the tv low and started to jack off ! right before i got to that point where i was about to \"CLIMAX\" my step mom Came and her eyes got big and her mouth opened wide. i was froze in motion and she asked , \"can i help?\" FML (Anonymous) youFML
I was downloading some porn onto my phone and just thought damn these chicks luk awesome so I decided to look at. I forgot to lock my door. I started watching and I began to masturbate my dad walked in and I didnt know that he was watching the porn with me and he began to masterbating also later I found out my dad was gay ! (Anonymous) youFML
I set up a vid cam in my bros room cuz he caught an embarressing pic of me and put on fb and I saw him watching porn masterbating and my dad walked in and began to masturbate too. Turns out their both gay and they both like bob for apples. My dad used my mom as a cover up had a son and did him every night til her began to like (Anonymous) youFML
1 day i came home from school&decided to jack off because i thought my STEP mom was working late that night.so i turnt my tv up to the max&started to jack off ! as soon as i was about to \"CLIMAX\" my step mom walked in.her eyes got big & her mouth was open wide . i was stuck in motion. she finally said somethin. \"can i help?\" (Anonymous) youFML
Last week my sis\'s frends told my sis i had a bf tht was black nd she told my mom nd she fliped nd told me i culdnt date him and i luv him alot tht i tld him he culdnt tel any1 we r dating but he is nd the ppl r telln my sis nd she keeps telln my mom nd i get tlks bout not bein able 2 hang @ the skatepark when im not even w/ him (Anonymous) youFML
today after having sex with my girl i asked her to make me a sandwith and she said who do you think you are you wernt that great today like wtf (Anonymous) youFML
Recently, my dads girlfriend is pregnant with a boy. While I love the fact that finally having a little brother, I hate my dads girlfriend and her 7 year old son. My dad knows i do not like them but unfortunately she makes him happy so he will not do anything. (Dad) youFML
My mom recently died, my wife blew my entire inheritance, my brother is dying of prostate cancer, my wife left and served me with divorce papers after I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I was just operated on, and now I\'m broke, claiming bankruptcy, and being forced into foreclosure. Fml
One of my friends has spent the last 6 months trying to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend by playing the role of her best friend full of good advices that always imply us to break up. You won\'t replace me, fat bastard and sooner or later you\'ll pay with interests. Get your own life! you FML. (Anonymous) youFML
yesterday after 2 years of being friends with benifits i realized that i was in love with my friend. he said to go away because he actually has a girlfriend. FML (Broken) (Anonymous) youFML
I just got home from work and i was oddly greated by my boyfrined who gave me a list to goget from the grocery store. i went and got the stuff that was on the list. Came home heard loud music only to go and turn it down, coming from my bedroom i saw MY boyfriend screwing my college professor. Hope i get good grades this semester (Anonymous) youFML
I lost my job, and with it, the company car. We borrowed my brothers clunker, hoping something better would come along. My supposed \"bff\" got a brand new car. I said awesome, what are you going to do with your old one?? She said, \"oh, we sold it to someone else already!!\" FML (Anonymous) youFML
Today, my school organized a mother-daughter brunch. I asked a good friend of mine if her mom was coming. She simply said that she wasn\'t and walked away. I later found out that her mom died a few years ago. No wonder she couldn\'t make it. Fml! (Anonymous) youFML
Today, my mom told me to get a date because I spent to much time by myself masturbating. FML. (mom) youFML
On Thursday I told a friend1 that I would suck him off on Monday. To find out my other friend2 who has like me since the fourth grade is his cousin. Friend2 told me that if I do anything with anyone before with him would never talk to me again! (friend2)FML (Anonymous) youFML
i walked in on my he was flexing in the mirror naked come to find out his friend was in his room!!!!!!! :/ (Anonymous) youFML
Day before Valentines Day I went to my mates girlfriends party and I got ridiculously drunk. My mates girlfriend comes over and says there are some girls who think Im fit. One of these girls comes on to me and we end up making out then we go upstairs and do it. Now she wants to get together and I cant even remember her name. (Anonymous) youFML
well for me life sucks my best guy friend is currently madd at me, im sitting in computer class alone in my cubical, tried of this shool wish everything went back to the way it was (Anonymous) youFML
so today sucked. enough said. (Anonymous) youFML
Today I was looking through my dad\'s phone and found a video he secretly took of me masterbating. (Dad) FML (Anonymous) youFML
I went through my dad\'s phone yesterday and found a video he secretly took of me masterbating. (Dad) FML. (Anonymous) youFML
Last weekend, one of my best guy friends asked me to the dance. I didn\'t want to leave to go to the bathroom while we wer gone, so I went before he came, but as I was pulling up my tights and underwear, he knocked on the door, so, I ran to the front door and opened it. My step dad was yelling at me \"Your dress is up!\" Silence. (Anonymous) youFML
k so today i was making out with this girl and started to finger her thats how i found out that she is on her period (Anonymous) youFML
i was listening to the radio wen a jb song started (jb)youfml (Anonymous) youFML
Today after school my boyfriend texted me after school and he said \"so you cheated on me\" and i said nooo! so now were over. Thanks to my friend! (friend) youFML. (Anonymous) youFML
Today, Im driving home from school and really have to pee...but of course, I get stopped by roadwork. After an HOUR of holding it, I pee my pants. Just as I finish soaking the seat and my favorite jeans, the traffic starts moving. (stop sign guy) youFML! (Anonymous) youFML
Yesterday, my bf and i were having some fun. He decided to go down and lick me and sprayed what he thought was candy spray, but it was really perfume, which gave me a rash. {bf) youFML
A couple weeks ago, my bf\'s mother is in the hospital and my bf invites one of his girlfriends to be with him since i was at school. she got there at 9:30 and didnt leave till 8:30ish i was so pissed and sad. he cheated on me and he still swears he didnt do anything with her. FML (Anonymous) youFML
this morning i was jackin off into a bottle and i went to work out nut when i came back i went to drink water but it wasnt water (Anonymous) youFML
my girlfriend told me today that everytime i call her when she is doing something im interupting and take all her time well when she gets a text that she says only take 3 seconds to reply to yeah well my calls are only 3 seconds (hey just wanted to wish you a good day love you bye) thats it now plz tell me how that is interuptin (Anonymous) youFML
WHAT A CHEAP RIP-OFF of the original FML site! Bunch of Assholes!!! (Anonymous) youFML
girl of my dreams liked me alot and i liked her a lot. we made out . and i text her but she doesnt text me oh then im like she probably got her phone tooken away but nope she is texting my friend right next to me and now like hes telling me all these stories about them doing stuff and all that. (friend and girl) you FML!! (Anonymous) youFML
today i walk to my house n trip and broke my teeth i love my life....suck on it bitches (Anonymous) youFML
went 2 my friends house his cousin was der she is the most PERFECT girl EVER.then we watched a movie and everytime i would fall asleep she would wake me by shakin me.nxt day we went to 6flags had fun then got back but while she was takin a shower i left wanted to say by 1 mo time but coudnt now wont c her til nxt year :\'( (Anonymous) youFML
Tewday in computer class, i just happened tew look over at the person sitting next tew me....he was \"beating his meat\" >.> (Anonymous) youFML
So i was with this guy on and off for 4 years and he was having sex with me and then just left me and then four days later he was already with another girl and he still text me and says he misses me when he is with her f*** .........fml (Anonymous) youFML
Well .... my friend of 5 years got into this big fight about a guy. What happened was this guy and i were dating and we dated for like two weeks. he broke up with me for my bestfreind and my bestfriend said YES!!!! i was really pissed...... then today he said hey i broke up with her then i punched him in the nuts!!!! :) (Anonymous) youFML
my boyfriend is other than me.my mother doesn\'t like him.I\'m getting put on birth control.I got caught with weed.I got my bowl taken away.grounded.can\'t see my friends.can\'t see my boyfriend.im sick.im horny.i miss school..fml (Anonymous) youFML
today I was reading stories on youfml.com and realized how pathetic I am for reading them. (Anonymous) youFML
Last night I was texting a guy frind of mine. We were playing truth or dear. I happended to come out of the closet and tell him i was a lesbian. He was the first person I ever told. Then he tell me he really liked me and was going to ask me out when we went back to school. FML (Anonymous) youFML
today, my boyfriend wanted to meet my parents for the first time. i said okay and we went. when we walked in the door they were naked and my dad was humping my mom. parents fml. (Anonymous) youFML
Today my boyfriend of 2 years texted me saying he was running late from work and asked to have a date some other night. I agreed and went to my best friends house. i usually just walk in, so i walk into her room not only did my boyfriend not had work today. He was in the process of having sex with my best friend of 18 years. (Anonymous) youFML
I got diagnosed with cancer of the lung and eye last night on my Birthday.... (Anonymous) youFML
my life is REALLY going downhill. im 16, i live in a crap apartment we had to mve to beacause of my parents divorce. i HATE my stepdad. one girl at my school i really like is driving me INSANE. and most of my friends are starting to ignore me. I HAVE NO FCKN IDEA WHY. contemplating seuicide. death will prby cure it 4me anyway (Anonymous) youFML
So I live with my 3 brothers and my mom. My mom is dating this guy, who i swear is married. I know his daughter and his wife. His wife works at my school! I can\'t stand this guy, and everytime he comes over my 12 year old brother says to me Bri, moms upstairs doing her boyfriend. & my 9 yr old bro agrees. They know to much. FML! (Anonymous) youFML
So me and my friend Jaysen are like FWB (friends with bennifits) and my brother Eric is black mailing me like FML!!! (Anonymous) youFML
my mom walked in my room as i was licking my friends pussy and im a lesbian and she didnt no it till now mom you fml (Anonymous) youFML
So I went to the dentist yesterday because I have braces, it hurt so bad that my tounge is cut up and I talk extreamly funny. It sounds like i have a lipps.... People dont talk to me much anymore due to today. (braces) youFML! (Anonymous) youFML
im a big headed cocky douche bag thats awkward and a werid whore and every one i know is fricken gay literaly and im just a huge target for gay people and it feels like all my guy friends have a little crush on me and im doin some werid stuff to make them stay like if they were girls and with the girls i i mess up bad (Anonymous) youFML
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today was superbowl 46 my dad told me to get him a beer and i said theres no more and he said dont gimme that shiz mf go fudge yourself little boy(and im only 13)(dad) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
today i was licking a biches pussy and realized it was her other hole. fml (Anonymous) youFML
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yesterdat my kids were eating watermelon and one of my sons felt weird he said to me and he threw up on my tits and i got so horny i threw up on him (jordan) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
yesterday my so called \"wife\" was supposed to give me a bj when she got a boner too!!!!!!!!!!!!!youfml (Anonymous) youFML
i was hugging my gf last night and she squirted on me and said, \"oops its that time of the month again.\" and i said is it bad to get a boner (Anonymous) youFML
yesterday was valentines day right........... my gf forgot beacause she was drinking beer and she said who cares it\'s only valentines day and i said fudge that.........ten seconds later she was like fudge i need to take a shiz during dinner and she farted so hard she shiz all over my $100000 chair from england i was pissed (gf) (Anonymous) youFML
my room mate brang a friend and was banging. i called my girl but she didnt answer but whenerver i called her i heard beeping in my room mates room . (bitches) fml. (Anonymous) youFML
my gf was going to \"work\" and i was alone and was looking at porn and i went to a live stream(real people at this time actually) and i saw my wife fudging herself to a camera and i typed to her and she said this is my job???????????? (watermelondraya) youfml (Anonymous) youFML
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I was sitting in the living room before the fbasketball game our school had. I got a call from an unknown number. My ex girlfreind she wanted to hook up. We got together under the covered bleachers during the game and it got realy hot. just as we where getting to the good part. The coach walked under the bleachers. Coach YouFML (Anonymous) youFML
my gf has long pubes (Anonymous) youFML
mmy gf had her period on me (Anonymous) youFML
today my girlfriend of 3 months had a baby and in the nursery she had a guy holding it for her and calling it his baby.fml (Anonymous) youFML
my history teacher is a ugly fat guy and my room mate needed help with history so i invited my history teacher over and they were studying. i started hearing squiking sounds and i peaked in my mates room and i saw my GUY room mate dry humping my GUY history teacher.(faggots)youfml (Anonymous) youFML
my dog (chiwuawua)is so retarted he tryed to hop on a pitbull and started humping (Anonymous) youFML
today my short friend Gabriel was drunk and was stupud enough to bring a Prostitute over and started making love. he barfed on her and still had to pay the $100 for 30mins with head.(retarded Gabriel)fml (Anonymous) youFML
this retarded kid Luis was trying to make love with a girl but told me he didnt know what hole it was.fml. (Anonymous) youFML
me and my mom got in a serious fight and she threw my xbox 360 at me.so i picked up the dining room chair and threw it at her. so i had to go to the hospital cuz my back was hurting from the xbox hitting my back. and my mom didnt wanna give me a ride so i had to walk.(mom)youfml (Anonymous) youFML
im a rich stud and i have a girlfriend named buttfuck. and she stole 1.5 million dollars from me.fml (Anonymous) youFML
my girlfriend was trying to have sex and she was wearing a short skirt. she told me to take off her skirt and then started jacking me off. what i didnt know is she had herpes and know i cant have sex with anyone or make out with anothere girl.(herpes)youfml (Anonymous) youFML
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today,while making love to my girlfriend she kept screaming out, \"peter,peter!!!\" and its weird because my name is Steven? (FML) (Anonymous) youFML
today,while making love to my girlfriend she kept screaming out, \"peter,peter!!!\" and its weird because my name is Steven? (FML) (Anonymous) youFML
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my sister came downstairs and started ripping out my hair and cursing me. she threw a book at me and kicked me in the stomach. and my mom was in the room reading a magazine. she saw my sis abusing me and then went back to her magazine FML (Anonymous) youFML
I walked into class today to find out we had a book quiz on a book I have never physically seen. I thought, \"I will just walk out and e-mail the professor.\" So I walked out of class with my skateboard in hand ready to go back to sleep and guess who I saw walking into class staring at me. The professor. FML (Anonymous) youFML
So i got on youFML.com and i put in to see todays views and nothing came up now i\'m bored in BIM class (youfml.com) (Anonymous) youFML
Okayy so me n my bf wer gona sneek out too his sisters house but when we got there in the room and his sister baraged in witout knocking an tried too mace us bc she thought we robbers so yeahh (U FML) (Anonymous) youFML
today i was at my grandads farm with my best friend (who is 12) and my big brother (who is 18), i went down to the horse cause i was going to groom her, as a walked to get some hay i saw my bestfreind and brother fucking, because of my brother my best friend is now pegnant, and her parents are making her have the baby. (Anonymous) youFML
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So its a week before prom and my date decided to ditch me. FML (Anonymous) youFML
